Gospel Parenting and Behaviour

One of the other questions which was raised for discussion was how do we then teach children to behave if we want to beware making them legalists or facilitating their living a double life?

We know from our own hearts that we find it easier to change behaviour in ourselves rather than analysing and dealing with our hearts.  We should therefore expect to find the same when it comes to our children.

Firstly it is right that we discipline our children, they do need to learn how to live in a society where they know that they are loved but are aware that they are not the centre of the universe.  So we will discipline our children for behaviour that is not loving to others and for behaviour that is not acceptable.  But our discipline will not stop there, it will take time to analyse what was the motivation behind the action and to think about how to help the child see that.  It may not happen immediately but that will be our long term goal - to help the child see their own heart for what it is and to understand and therefore treasure what the gospel says.

As parents we need to be continually drip feeding this perspective in to our children's lives.  It is why family worship (I don't really like that term but...) is so important in what ever way you do it, whether it is reading the bible together as a family or reading it with your children on their own.  But key to maximising the potential of this is using the bible in the way it was intended to be used.  It was made to be listened to and acted upon, as we read the bible with our children we need to teach them how to use it to examine their own hearts, to see the wonder of the gospel of Jesus, and to recognise the amazing gift of the Spirit who calls us to walk where he plants his steps as he changes our hearts.

As parents our job is to give children this toolkit, so when they are younger we will use the toolkit to show them their sin and the battle that is waged in their hearts, which is evidenced in their actions and words, and point them to Jesus.  As they get older we will facilitate and encourage them to use the toolkit themselves, modelling for them what it looks like as they see us fight sin, treasure Jesus and change from the heart out.

So we will discipline, but we will discipline as part of a larger way of living which applies the gospel to hearts, both ours and theirs.