Debilitating, isolating and depressing

God has graciously been using my prolonged period of illness to teach me lots of things about both illness, myself and caring for others.  Some of those lessons have been hard and painful to learn but it doesn't mean that they won't be useful.  One of the most helpful has been the experience of just being unable; unable to go out, unable to do, unable to contribute.  In that context what is debilitating becomes isolating as it cuts you off from people you see in the normal run of the mill.  Others are busy and they are not seeing you as the normal context in which your relationship plays out is removed.  Without a real conscious intentional effort that you can't make and often others aren't aware is needed someone who is ill can quickly become isolated.  Then isolation can very easily lead to depression, either very mild or potentially more serious.  Such depression can easily lead to bitterness.

Experiencing this sense of debilitation and isolation hasn't been easy, but I am grateful for friends who took time to send cards, write, text or ring to minimise the sense of isolation.  But that has taken real effort on their part, it has involved an intentionality, a breaking of routines and norms.  It has cost them.  But this is what the Bible pictures a church community doing.  It should be normal in the church, but often we are just too busy to stop and think about who needs a call, a letter, a text.  I'm praying that as things get back to normal I don't let the busyness crowd out this valuable lesson.  I need to live with margin, a space between my load and limit, both for myself and for others, so that I have time to stop, think about others and recognise need and ways to break or minimise the isolation of others.

Seven years in...

So continuing on from yesterday I want to continue to share a few of the lessons we/I have learn't from planting Grace Church.

1. Launch, learn, plant.  Then learn, relaunch and replant.

No matter how much preparation you do in terms of area studies, interviews with key people, none of it will ever prepare you for the reality of serving/living in an area.  You only really learn about the area, the need, the barriers to the gospel, the community DNA as you live day by day within that community.  That means you need to be flexible and be ready to adapt as you relearn things.  It also means you need to be clear on what the things you will flex on are and what you will not flex on and why.

There is a second area where you relearn and relaunch and that is in the church, as the church grows (whether in number or maturity) its needs will change too.  There has been much joy in being in a church where there are few traditions, where people are keen to flex and change.  I pray that God will keep us flexible as we look to take the gospel to a changing community and as we continue to change as a church in terms of needs, gifts, and comprehension of the gospel.

2. Area matters

There would be some debate on this but for me in our experience area matters.  I know people talk about us living our lives in networks but in planting a church area trumps network.  I think network functions more in cities but in our area community is key.  God in his grace has overruled mistakes we made early on as a church in meeting in one location but living in another.  But that made it impossible for us to reach the people who attended the school we met in.  Whereas since we moved Sunday mornings to the area we live in, where our boys go to school, where we shop, where we play, we have seen the benefits of being connected and plugged into the day to day of the community we love and long to see come to know Jesus.

If I had my time again I would insist that all those who were coming to plant lived in the area or sent their children to the local school we were going to meet in.  Why?  Because nothing says we care about people like presence, like committing to live our lives alongside them.  My prayer for Grace Church is that more and more of our congregation would move into the area we now serve, whilst we wait for that to happen in God's timing we need to provide the opportunities for connection between our church family who live out of area and our friends in area.  I think this living alongside of is vital, it's one of the most important things we have learnt.

3. Commitment matters

Planting a church is hard, however, you do it.  The excitement and adrenaline rush of day 1, 2, 3, 4 and so on give way to the more mundane service 156, 157, 158.  Growth is often slow after an initial buzz.  In our early days people who weren't happy at other places of worship came to join us as did some who hadn't been anywhere for a while.  Some stayed, some didn't.  That loss was felt keenly by those committed and excited by what seemed like early growth.  At other times people new to the area and looking for a church came along to taste test the church, each one felt like a potential cause of rejoicing or discouragement depending on what decision they made.  I think looking back I'd want to say to myself don't put your hope in growth, and take more time to teach the church to trust God long term.  

When people leave it should hurt.  If it doesn't hurt something is wrong.  Family leaving home is painful, even more so when we feel we have failed them, or don't understand why they've left, or when we later hear hurtful things that we didn't realise at the time.  Don't give up, persevere, keep going.  I'm not saying put your head down and ignore criticism, or don't stop and think about the situation.  But don't despair and give up, there have been times over the 7 years when that's been a temptation; big budgetary holes, personality clashes, family fallouts, and my pastoral failures have all led me to endure nights when sleep is hard won, when I've had to recognise my failings and ask for forgiveness from those I've failed.  Commitment matters in those times, a conviction that failure isn't final but that there's grace for our mistakes and that God will teach us through the pain.

4. You are a church from day one with all those pressure, joys and struggles.

In some ways this is the biggest lesson and the one I've been slowest to learn.  I wanted to plant a church which would reach those who didn't yet know Jesus, I wanted to be out there, to be building gospel capable friendships, defeating defeater beliefs, finding the wandering sheep, seeing the lost found.  But on the very first Sunday we met, we met as a church not a church plant with all the pastoral needs and care necessary to pastor a church.  I have been slow to recognise that, keen to keep on doing the out there, the building bridges in the community, when I needed to better balance the out there with the in here.  Pastoral care has been patchy because of that, others often stepping in to pick up what I've been too busy/distracted to do.  But when God calls us to plant he calls us to plant a church.

If I could go back 7 years I'd tell myself to spend more time on pastoral care, to feed the sheep well on Sunday yes, but also to take time to show them how to feed themselves during the week, to take time with them to water them, lead them away from danger and so on.  I'd spend as much time setting up a pastoral care team as an outreach team, because God's call was to set up a church.

The joys of a continuing saga...

I posted last week about some of the things God has been teaching me through my time having to throttle back on life due to illness.  Things have yet to get markedly better, in fact I'm at the hospital tomorrow for 6 more blood tests, it's now not thought to be stress related IBS but possibly either Glandular fever or Post Viral Fatigue.  Neither is brilliant as both will be slow at clearing and really just need rest and to boost my immune system.  But God has continued to be gracious and bless.

One of the greatest blessings and joys has been the chance to spend more time reading the Bible.  When you have to spend a couple of hours in bed in an afternoon it has been great to be able to read whole books of the bible at a time.  You can't help but get swept up in the vast, sweeping, swift paced and action packed story lines of Genesis, Exodus, Numbers, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, and Samuel.  Even Leviticus proved a blessing read in two sittings where I could really see God's concern to purge sin from his people because of the dire consequences it would have if they didn't.  Just enjoying God's word and revelling in the history has helped me see God's character clearly in stories that I'm often tempted to dissect and mine rather than simply read and appreciate their sweep.

As I've read it has warmed my heart again to see how great God is, how gracious, how patient, and how concerned for his people's holiness because that is what is good for them and what he calls them to by his grace.  This longer in-depth reading for no other purpose than enjoying scripture and God has fuelled my prayers and praise.  I'm always aware of the feebleness of my prayers, and as I've read more and more of God's word I've begun to wonder if that's because in studying the Bible I have begun to miss so much about God that is praiseworthy, true, and beautiful.  I'm hoping that's another of those lessons that sticks post illness (praying that comes - though after 7 weeks I'm beginning to wonder) when I'm back to full speed.  That I just need to read and enjoy scripture and marvel at the God who has called me and saved me and adopted me as part of his eternal cosmos changing plan.