Married for God

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is a great passage. We live in a world where we are encouraged to think about what is better, to weigh up the pros and cons. For example is it better to be with Eon, Npower or British Gas, is it better to own a Ford Focus or a Buggatti Veyron, is it better to support Liverpool or a team that has a chance of winning the title?

The passage we had read to us made no bones about it, 2 are better than 1, in contrast to the loner of v8. It is about companionship and friendship not just marriage but it equally fits with what the Bible has to tell us about marriage.

Marriage is God given. It is not a social convention, it is not a civil contract. God is intimately involved in marriage, he designed marriage, he gave Eve away at the very first marriage and he tells us why he gives marriage. It is the means by which two become united together as one.

The passage that was read tells us of the benefits of friendship which apply to marriage too. In a marriage you have someone who has promised that for the rest of your lives, for better or worse, richer for poorer, whether in sickness or in health has committed themselves to help you when you fall down, to provide for and keep you warm, and to protect and care for you until death parts you or Christ comes again.

They are amazing promises because marriage is a tremendous gift given by a good God for us to enjoy.

But Marriage is not the answer to all of life’s questions.
If you listen to Hollywood or the music industry, or TV producers then relationships are the answer to life’s questions, they are the Holy Grail. Be it the six pals desperately seeking love in Friends, or those in the OC, or the love so graphically portrayed in P.S. I love you. Love, marriage, relationship are the key to happiness – aren’t they?

Ecclesiastes is all about one man’s search for the meaning of life. He pursues wisdom, learning, riches, career, possessions, business and relationships and his conclusion is that ultimately none of them satisfy, none of them provides the meaning of life.

Marriage is one of God’s good gifts given to us to enjoy but it is not the answer to life’s questions. In fact God wanted us to understand what life is all about so much that he sent his Son, Jesus, into the world to tell us and to secure real life for us. Our marriage, our husband or wife must never be the ultimate thing in our life; God must remain the one we love above everything else.

But what is marriage for?
Books like Men are from Mars and women are from Venus will give you one picture. That book claims to be “A practical guide to getting what you want from relationships.” In fact you read lots of other relationship books and that’s what they tell you – how to get what you want, how you can be fulfilled in your marriage.

But the Bible says something radically different. Marriage is given so that together you can serve God. Marriage is to be a place of love, friendship, protection, understanding, and of self sacrifice but ultimately if it is to be the marriage God intended it has to be in God’s service, for God’s glory.

Eve is created not just as someone to ease Adam’s loneliness but as his helper, as someone to work alongside him, to help him in his service of God. Ecclesiastes picks up on this too, “Two are better off than one, because they have a good return [or reward] for their labour.” What is man’s work it is to serve God, to bring him glory.

Marriage must never be separate from your service of God, it is something to be protected and seen. It is to be a relationship shot through with grace. Marriage is a model of the love that God has for us, it is a model of the way Jesus in love gave himself for his church, so that we may know God.

Films and TV sit-coms make us wish for a love that is epic, that stands out, that is full of romance and fairy tales. The Bible says understand that love is not about getting what you want but about serving God together because he has given himself for you. There is no greater love to base your marriage on than the love which Jesus showed as he gave himself for you.

As you begin or continue your married life together don’t be sucked in by Hollywood Dreams or the delusion of getting what you want. The only way to a truly happy marriage, for your marriage to be all it can be is to place and keep God at its centre. Be married for God.

Keeping our vows

I'm preaching at a wedding on Saturday and have been giving some thought to the awesomeness of the promises we make when we marry. Then I came across this on Benjamin Warfield:
Benjamin B. Warfield was a world-renowned theologian who taught at Princeton Seminary for almost 34 years until his death on February 16, 1921. Many people are aware of his famous books, like The Inspiration and Authority of the Bible. But what most people don’t know is that in 1876, at the age of twenty-five, he married Annie Kinkead and took a honeymoon to Germany. During a fierce storm Annie was struck by lightning and permanently paralyzed. After caring for her for thirty-nine years Warfield laid her to rest in 1915. Because of her extraordinary needs, Warfield seldom left his home for more than two hours at a time during all those years of marriage.
We all promise to love our spouses for better or worse but rarely does the worst happen, and even more rarely on our honeymoons.

When you then read Warfield's comments of Romans 8:28 you know he speaks as one who has tested these words and found them true.
The fundamental thought is the universal government of God. All that comes to you is under His controlling hand. The secondary thought is the favour of God to those that love Him. If He governs all, then nothing but good can befall those to whom He would do good.... Though we are too weak to help ourselves and too blind to ask for what we need, and can only groan in unformed longings, He is the author in us of these very longings...and He will so govern all things that we shall reap only good from all that befalls us.