At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man on his soapbox rant; I can't believe how ubiquitous the idea of 'date night' has become. I've read about it's importance in books and blogs and heard yet again in a sermon I listened to on line about 'date night' - apparently two words that could save you from divorce. It seems to be becoming the new buzz word when Christians talk about marriage, the new go to, the silver bullet that will ensure you don't take each other for granted as you grow older together.
If as a couple you confess that you don't have a date night you get a shocked look from Christians that seems to say 'Really, I fear for your future marriage.' Date night may be a helpful idea for some, it may be a means of ensuring you don't take your wife or husband for granted. But it is not the eleventh commandment. It will not in and of itself ensure you have a happy/lasting marriage. It cannot and must not replace the gospel as the thing we centre our marriages around.
My fear with the 'date night' phenomenon is that we are substituting it for establishing a real gospel intimacy in marriage. Marriages that take the covenant vows we made before God seriously all the time. Marriages that are about serving and loving our spouse and presenting them to Christ blameless and without fault. Date night might be helpful if we view it in the way it was originally meant but my fear is it is becoming idolatrous. It may end up replacing the gospel as the thing we put at the centre of our marriages.
By all means enjoy your date night but don't impose it on others. By all means enjoy your date night but do not assume that alone will maintain your marriage and save you from taking one another for granted - sin is not that easily cut out. By all means enjoy your date night but as the question how can I maximise the grace filled opportunity marriage is not one night a week but use that night to fuel a grace filled life? How do we regularly build forgiveness, honesty, intimacy, and gospel transformation into life lived together?
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, 20 January 2016
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
The Gospel and Marriage - Colossian 3:18-19
Here are the notes and questions from LightHouse on Sunday
What is the purpose of marriage?
“Since the fall no organisation or way of life whatever has a natural tendency to go right.” How does this affect marriage?
There is a danger for us in taking two verses in isolation when they flow naturally from and are rooted in everything Paul has been teaching the Colossians. So we are going to get an overview of the letter and then pick up some themes which have big implications for our marriages before we look at these two verses.
Colossians unpacks the sheer wonder of the gospel and our salvation in Jesus. That God the Son; the very image of God died for us when we were God’s enemies(ch1). That in Christ we have everything we need(ch2) to live godly lives, to live out our identity as those who have been and are freed and raised in Christ. Transformed, different, hidden in Christ, secure in him both now and eternally. Before (ch3)exploring what living out that identity looks like as we live with the peace of Christ ruling our hearts.
Paul is clear that the gospel, following Jesus, doesn’t transform some things, or just sacred things but everything and over the next three lighthouse we are going to look at three practical everyday areas; marriage, parenting, and work.
One of the biggest dangers is having a public face and a private face, of their being a disconnect between the way we are in church or when with the church family and the way we are when alone with our families. I remember watching a convicting video clip of a family arguing, sniping at one another, and rushing to get ready, before all piling into the car. They continued to argue or sit in hostile silence until they arrived at their destination where they tumbled out of the car and into church at which point they all put on their Sunday faces and proceeded to worship God, full of smiles and joy.
But Paul wants the Colossians and us to see that the gospel transforms everything, it transforms our marriage, how we think of them, their purpose and our actions as husbands and wives.
What is Marriage?
Two sinners united in a broken world
There is an assumption behind Paul’s instructions, it is that we will not naturally have a marriage that is transformed by the gospel. Just because two Christians get married the marriage is not automatically a gospel centred marriage, it is not by default a marriage rooted in our identity as God’s children. Our marriages reflect our hearts, and we all know our hearts, what we struggle with. But in marriage now someone else is up close and personal and they also see and experience our struggle with sin just as we see theirs.
Look back at(3:5-10). We are to be those who are putting to death the old self and seeking to put on the new self, not as individuals, but in our marriages as well as in our church family. Except our spouses will see and experience the affects of that struggle, the battles lost and won, the repeated seemingly unbreakable sins, more intensely than anyone else.
Marriage is hard because it is a marriage of two sinners, redeemed yes, justified yes, yet working, fighting to realise that identity, at peace with God but enlisted in a new fight with sin. There is another danger of our battle with sin and that is that we look for our marriage to provide us with what only God can give us, and when we do that we will become embittered and frustrated. And all that is lived out on the canvas of a fallen world with all the pressures and imperfections that brings.
We need to have this realism in our thinking about our marriages because otherwise we will become quickly disillusioned and bitter, or end up hiding ourselves from each other even within our marriages and never really open ourselves up and experience marriage as God intended it for our good.
b. Saved and Living by Grace
But (10-12)there is also hope in marriage because we are those who have experienced grace and therefore bring grace into our marriages. Paul describes the believer as recreated, renewed by the grace of God. Sin is a powerful influence in our hearts and therefore in our marriages but grace is THE power in our hearts and therefore in our marriages. Sin does not define us grace does, look at how Paul describes the Colossians (12) “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved...” That is who you are, that is your identity, that is how God sees you.
One of our problems is that we reduce ourselves down, we talk about role; wife, husband, mum, dad. How would it change our marriage if we thought of ourselves and our spouse as God here defines them and us? I am not just being selfish or argumentative towards my wife or husband but to one of God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.
And Paul calls on Jesus followers to live out that identity by putting on new clothes, not just in church, but in marriage as in everything. “Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love... Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another...”
They aren’t just instructions for how we are to be when we meet together in church, but they are the marks of the Christian.
I always try to encourage the boys to change out of their school uniform when they get home so that their uniform stays clean and neat. But I wonder sometimes if we adopt that mentality about home when it comes to these attributes. They are effectively the clothes we put on to go out in, our Sunday best as it were, but at home we don’t feel the need to be like that. But Paul is saying it is your identity!
But notice that key to this is grace, “Forgiving as the Lord forgave you.” Our marriages are to be places of forgiveness and grace, where we love as we have been loved, where we bear with, are gentle, patient and so on. Can you picture this past week, how would grace have transformed your marriage this past week? How have I not held out grace to Lucy?
Grace is vital because it also unlocks the true potential of marriage. Marriage is a means of God’s grace to us as husband and wife called together by God to spur one another on to become who we are in Christ, as we speak the truth in love to each other and teach and admonish one another.
“Marriage is God’s gift for helping each other become our future glory selves, the new creations which God will eventually make us.”
God longs for our marriage to be everything he wants it to be, he gives us grace, his Spirit his word to help us realise that, we have everything we need. With that in mind let’s look at these two further instructions:
The Gospel transforms Marriage.
How do you read that word submit? What images come to mind? I guess for many of us it’s a wrestler being forced to submit, or a playground game of mercy where the weaker submits to the stronger child. For us submit puts someone in second place, it is about inequality, and hierarchy. But in the bible submit means something very different and it is important we define bible terms as the bible uses them.
Sin has led verses like this to be twisted and misused to oppress and marginalise women by Christians and others and that is wrong and unbiblical.
The Bible has a distinct set of teachings which underpin this idea. In Genesis 1 and 2 God creates Adam and Eve and they are made equal, both made in the image of God. Different but complimentary so that together they can fulfil God’s purpose for them to fill the earth and rule it as his regents.
But at the fall this perfect pattern and equality becomes a potential source for conflict as sin leads each to want their own way, their rights, their rule. Something we still see, not just in society, but in our own hearts and marriage.
Now to help us understand how the gospel transforms marriage, how it reconnects us with Genesis 1&2 we need to turn to Philippians 2 where we see what ‘submit’ means. Here we see the pattern for submission as God the eternal Son, in very nature God and equal to God, submit to the Father. Father and son remain equal but the Son voluntarily submits to the Father out of love. His submission is a gift of love to his Father, and look what happens. The Father doesn’t trample all over the son, but accepts this willing gift and exalts the Son to the highest place.
1 Corinthians 11:3 tells us that this is a pattern for marriage; free, loving, joyful submission. Not a becoming less equal but a joyful, loving service of another.
And key to this is that such service is met by love. That is Paul’s instruction to husband’s; “love your wives”. Husbands are to love in such a way that it is a joy to submit, that he is lifting up his wife even as she submits. A husbands love must mirror Christ’s love for the church; sacrificial, giving, loyal, serving and seeking the good of his wife not self. It is a kingdom love which seeks the godliness of our wives and pursues that as our greatest end.
I want to pause here because I know how far short of that I fall as a husband as I look at my own heart. As I see God’s magnificent purpose for marriage I am humbled by my own sin which so often leads me to default to Genesis 3 mode rather than a gospel mode. That is why grace and forgiveness are so essential within a marriage, we confess our sin and our failure and find forgiveness in Christ and in our marriage. We remind one another again of our identity in Christ, that it is all done for us and that God gives us everything we need by his Spirit to be his children and in prayer we walk with the Spirit asking God to transform our marriages.
I am not going to sketch out exactly what this will look like lived out because the Bible doesn’t and if God doesn’t who am I to think I can. I think God establishes these principles and his purpose and doesn’t give us a prescription because how it works out will look different in every marriage, it will change as marriages change, as seasons in life come and go. But the principle and purpose stand – only the gospel can change our hearts in marriage and only in God’s purpose will our marriage be all it can be. It can take us from our small view of marriage, our small plotline and put it in God’s bigger purpose. The gospel remakes our marriages on a grand scale of cosmic significance.
“Marriage is for helping each other become our future glory selves, the new creations which God will eventually make us.”
1. How is this vision counter our cultures view of marriage?
2. There is always the danger of making our spouse or marriage an idol, how does keeping grace central guard against this?
3. How can we practically ensure our marriages work towards God’s purpose as couples? And as a church?
What is the purpose of marriage?
“Since the fall no organisation or way of life whatever has a natural tendency to go right.” How does this affect marriage?
There is a danger for us in taking two verses in isolation when they flow naturally from and are rooted in everything Paul has been teaching the Colossians. So we are going to get an overview of the letter and then pick up some themes which have big implications for our marriages before we look at these two verses.
Colossians unpacks the sheer wonder of the gospel and our salvation in Jesus. That God the Son; the very image of God died for us when we were God’s enemies(ch1). That in Christ we have everything we need(ch2) to live godly lives, to live out our identity as those who have been and are freed and raised in Christ. Transformed, different, hidden in Christ, secure in him both now and eternally. Before (ch3)exploring what living out that identity looks like as we live with the peace of Christ ruling our hearts.
Paul is clear that the gospel, following Jesus, doesn’t transform some things, or just sacred things but everything and over the next three lighthouse we are going to look at three practical everyday areas; marriage, parenting, and work.
One of the biggest dangers is having a public face and a private face, of their being a disconnect between the way we are in church or when with the church family and the way we are when alone with our families. I remember watching a convicting video clip of a family arguing, sniping at one another, and rushing to get ready, before all piling into the car. They continued to argue or sit in hostile silence until they arrived at their destination where they tumbled out of the car and into church at which point they all put on their Sunday faces and proceeded to worship God, full of smiles and joy.
But Paul wants the Colossians and us to see that the gospel transforms everything, it transforms our marriage, how we think of them, their purpose and our actions as husbands and wives.
What is Marriage?
Two sinners united in a broken world
There is an assumption behind Paul’s instructions, it is that we will not naturally have a marriage that is transformed by the gospel. Just because two Christians get married the marriage is not automatically a gospel centred marriage, it is not by default a marriage rooted in our identity as God’s children. Our marriages reflect our hearts, and we all know our hearts, what we struggle with. But in marriage now someone else is up close and personal and they also see and experience our struggle with sin just as we see theirs.
Look back at(3:5-10). We are to be those who are putting to death the old self and seeking to put on the new self, not as individuals, but in our marriages as well as in our church family. Except our spouses will see and experience the affects of that struggle, the battles lost and won, the repeated seemingly unbreakable sins, more intensely than anyone else.
Marriage is hard because it is a marriage of two sinners, redeemed yes, justified yes, yet working, fighting to realise that identity, at peace with God but enlisted in a new fight with sin. There is another danger of our battle with sin and that is that we look for our marriage to provide us with what only God can give us, and when we do that we will become embittered and frustrated. And all that is lived out on the canvas of a fallen world with all the pressures and imperfections that brings.
We need to have this realism in our thinking about our marriages because otherwise we will become quickly disillusioned and bitter, or end up hiding ourselves from each other even within our marriages and never really open ourselves up and experience marriage as God intended it for our good.
b. Saved and Living by Grace
But (10-12)there is also hope in marriage because we are those who have experienced grace and therefore bring grace into our marriages. Paul describes the believer as recreated, renewed by the grace of God. Sin is a powerful influence in our hearts and therefore in our marriages but grace is THE power in our hearts and therefore in our marriages. Sin does not define us grace does, look at how Paul describes the Colossians (12) “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved...” That is who you are, that is your identity, that is how God sees you.
One of our problems is that we reduce ourselves down, we talk about role; wife, husband, mum, dad. How would it change our marriage if we thought of ourselves and our spouse as God here defines them and us? I am not just being selfish or argumentative towards my wife or husband but to one of God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved.
And Paul calls on Jesus followers to live out that identity by putting on new clothes, not just in church, but in marriage as in everything. “Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love... Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another...”
They aren’t just instructions for how we are to be when we meet together in church, but they are the marks of the Christian.
I always try to encourage the boys to change out of their school uniform when they get home so that their uniform stays clean and neat. But I wonder sometimes if we adopt that mentality about home when it comes to these attributes. They are effectively the clothes we put on to go out in, our Sunday best as it were, but at home we don’t feel the need to be like that. But Paul is saying it is your identity!
But notice that key to this is grace, “Forgiving as the Lord forgave you.” Our marriages are to be places of forgiveness and grace, where we love as we have been loved, where we bear with, are gentle, patient and so on. Can you picture this past week, how would grace have transformed your marriage this past week? How have I not held out grace to Lucy?
Grace is vital because it also unlocks the true potential of marriage. Marriage is a means of God’s grace to us as husband and wife called together by God to spur one another on to become who we are in Christ, as we speak the truth in love to each other and teach and admonish one another.
“Marriage is God’s gift for helping each other become our future glory selves, the new creations which God will eventually make us.”
God longs for our marriage to be everything he wants it to be, he gives us grace, his Spirit his word to help us realise that, we have everything we need. With that in mind let’s look at these two further instructions:
The Gospel transforms Marriage.
How do you read that word submit? What images come to mind? I guess for many of us it’s a wrestler being forced to submit, or a playground game of mercy where the weaker submits to the stronger child. For us submit puts someone in second place, it is about inequality, and hierarchy. But in the bible submit means something very different and it is important we define bible terms as the bible uses them.
Sin has led verses like this to be twisted and misused to oppress and marginalise women by Christians and others and that is wrong and unbiblical.
The Bible has a distinct set of teachings which underpin this idea. In Genesis 1 and 2 God creates Adam and Eve and they are made equal, both made in the image of God. Different but complimentary so that together they can fulfil God’s purpose for them to fill the earth and rule it as his regents.
But at the fall this perfect pattern and equality becomes a potential source for conflict as sin leads each to want their own way, their rights, their rule. Something we still see, not just in society, but in our own hearts and marriage.
Now to help us understand how the gospel transforms marriage, how it reconnects us with Genesis 1&2 we need to turn to Philippians 2 where we see what ‘submit’ means. Here we see the pattern for submission as God the eternal Son, in very nature God and equal to God, submit to the Father. Father and son remain equal but the Son voluntarily submits to the Father out of love. His submission is a gift of love to his Father, and look what happens. The Father doesn’t trample all over the son, but accepts this willing gift and exalts the Son to the highest place.
1 Corinthians 11:3 tells us that this is a pattern for marriage; free, loving, joyful submission. Not a becoming less equal but a joyful, loving service of another.
And key to this is that such service is met by love. That is Paul’s instruction to husband’s; “love your wives”. Husbands are to love in such a way that it is a joy to submit, that he is lifting up his wife even as she submits. A husbands love must mirror Christ’s love for the church; sacrificial, giving, loyal, serving and seeking the good of his wife not self. It is a kingdom love which seeks the godliness of our wives and pursues that as our greatest end.
I want to pause here because I know how far short of that I fall as a husband as I look at my own heart. As I see God’s magnificent purpose for marriage I am humbled by my own sin which so often leads me to default to Genesis 3 mode rather than a gospel mode. That is why grace and forgiveness are so essential within a marriage, we confess our sin and our failure and find forgiveness in Christ and in our marriage. We remind one another again of our identity in Christ, that it is all done for us and that God gives us everything we need by his Spirit to be his children and in prayer we walk with the Spirit asking God to transform our marriages.
I am not going to sketch out exactly what this will look like lived out because the Bible doesn’t and if God doesn’t who am I to think I can. I think God establishes these principles and his purpose and doesn’t give us a prescription because how it works out will look different in every marriage, it will change as marriages change, as seasons in life come and go. But the principle and purpose stand – only the gospel can change our hearts in marriage and only in God’s purpose will our marriage be all it can be. It can take us from our small view of marriage, our small plotline and put it in God’s bigger purpose. The gospel remakes our marriages on a grand scale of cosmic significance.
“Marriage is for helping each other become our future glory selves, the new creations which God will eventually make us.”
1. How is this vision counter our cultures view of marriage?
2. There is always the danger of making our spouse or marriage an idol, how does keeping grace central guard against this?
3. How can we practically ensure our marriages work towards God’s purpose as couples? And as a church?
Tuesday, 6 September 2011
What did you Expect?
I'm on chapter 2 of this fantastic book on marriage and in that chapter Tripp really gets down to principles, his basic premise is that what enables and sustains a marriage of love, unity and understanding is daily worship of God as creator, sovereign and saviour. In fact it is only that which will lead us to value and praise God for what he has made our spouse to be, how he has blessed us by giving us a spouse who has a different way of looking at the world, and for the calling to be part of working the gospel of Jesus into one another's sinful lives.
Brilliant and so insightful when you reverse that. So often in our marriages we do the opposite, we wish our spouses were differently wired, or thought the same way as us about things, or did not struggle with that sin, or were as righteous as us (Pharisee alert!!!). But that means we are not worshipping God and praising him for our spouse but are questioning God's creation, his sovereignty and abdicating the grace-bearing aspect of our marriages.
Brilliant and so insightful when you reverse that. So often in our marriages we do the opposite, we wish our spouses were differently wired, or thought the same way as us about things, or did not struggle with that sin, or were as righteous as us (Pharisee alert!!!). But that means we are not worshipping God and praising him for our spouse but are questioning God's creation, his sovereignty and abdicating the grace-bearing aspect of our marriages.
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Falling Apart in One Piece
I have just read Thabiti Anyabwile's review of the book with the title above that caught his attention. His review has encouraged me to buy the book myself so I am made aware again of the need to work at marriage, to treasure the lovely wife that I consider God's gift and to remind her that I do so. As well as to gain insights into divorce and the pain it causes.
I'd encourage you to read his review at:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2010/04/27/falling-apart-in-one-piece/
I'd encourage you to read his review at:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/thabitianyabwile/2010/04/27/falling-apart-in-one-piece/
Monday, 27 July 2009
Marriage part 2
Whilst continuing to thinking about marriage I was talking with a friend who is preparing a series of Bible studies for Newly Marrieds. I think there are a number of questions couples have:
1. What does a Biblical Marriage look like?
Genesis 2 is a key text for us to look at again and again in our marriages, and in thinking about who to marry. There we see the world God has made and gifted Adam, but we see a fly in the ointment. Adam is "alone", it doesn't mean lonely, it means that there is no suitable helper for him. God graciously allows Adam to discover that problem for himself, to feel the longing and need of one like him. And then he causes Adam to fall into a deep sleep and then God takes one of man’s ribs and makes woman. Adam awakening sees Eve not a threat or rival but one who is capable of fulfilling his longing for a helper because of equality and Adam names her. He bursts forth into a song of praise for the woman God has made for him.
Marriage is not a way of ending loneliness but two equals being united to serve God together. In our world, sick with sin, headship and helper have connotations of dominion and subservience but they do not in Genesis 2 and God's blueprint for marriage! We must not throw out Genesis 2 and the godly order we find there because of the sin sick marriages we see around us. Satan longs to see us settle for less than God's plan in our marriage.
In the book 'Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood' this definition is given: "In the partnership of 2 spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God glorifying direction." I think it is a great definition.
This is reinforced when you read Genesis 3 and realise that Adam stands by as Eve is tempted and takes the fruit and gives it to her. He abdicates his spiritual leadership role and the consequences are disastrous. Men must lead marriage in a God glorifying direction and wives must help, support and encourage them to that end.
2. Is it worth waiting for such a person?
Sometimes you hear people say; 'Yes that's fine but that's the ideal this is the real world, shouldn't I just settle?' The answer the Bible gives is emphatically no! Marriage matters and the Bible is littered with examples of bad marriages, think of Samson, think of Solomon and so on... Your marriage partner significantly impacts your service of God, either you will serve God together as he intended (Gen 2) or always feel pulled in two directions and frustrated.
But actually why would you settle for second best? Why would you accept a pale unsatisfying imitation of what God may have for you?
There may be more questions which I'll come back to later in the week.
1. What does a Biblical Marriage look like?
Genesis 2 is a key text for us to look at again and again in our marriages, and in thinking about who to marry. There we see the world God has made and gifted Adam, but we see a fly in the ointment. Adam is "alone", it doesn't mean lonely, it means that there is no suitable helper for him. God graciously allows Adam to discover that problem for himself, to feel the longing and need of one like him. And then he causes Adam to fall into a deep sleep and then God takes one of man’s ribs and makes woman. Adam awakening sees Eve not a threat or rival but one who is capable of fulfilling his longing for a helper because of equality and Adam names her. He bursts forth into a song of praise for the woman God has made for him.
Marriage is not a way of ending loneliness but two equals being united to serve God together. In our world, sick with sin, headship and helper have connotations of dominion and subservience but they do not in Genesis 2 and God's blueprint for marriage! We must not throw out Genesis 2 and the godly order we find there because of the sin sick marriages we see around us. Satan longs to see us settle for less than God's plan in our marriage.
In the book 'Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood' this definition is given: "In the partnership of 2 spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, the man bears the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God glorifying direction." I think it is a great definition.
This is reinforced when you read Genesis 3 and realise that Adam stands by as Eve is tempted and takes the fruit and gives it to her. He abdicates his spiritual leadership role and the consequences are disastrous. Men must lead marriage in a God glorifying direction and wives must help, support and encourage them to that end.
2. Is it worth waiting for such a person?
Sometimes you hear people say; 'Yes that's fine but that's the ideal this is the real world, shouldn't I just settle?' The answer the Bible gives is emphatically no! Marriage matters and the Bible is littered with examples of bad marriages, think of Samson, think of Solomon and so on... Your marriage partner significantly impacts your service of God, either you will serve God together as he intended (Gen 2) or always feel pulled in two directions and frustrated.
But actually why would you settle for second best? Why would you accept a pale unsatisfying imitation of what God may have for you?
There may be more questions which I'll come back to later in the week.
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Does society need Marriage?
A top British Judge has caused something of a stir in the media by claiming that the breakdown of marriage is one of the key factors in the problems facing modern Britain. You can read what he said by clicking on this link.
Some of the comments that have been left on the article also reveal how our society feels about such values.
Some of the comments that have been left on the article also reveal how our society feels about such values.
Thursday, 18 June 2009
You've got lies
I have been directed to this today as an article designed for ladies about the perils and problems inherent in watching chick flicks, its by Beth Spraul from Capitol Hill Baptist Church in the States and it is well worth reading and thinking through. http://www.capitolhillbaptist.org/wp-content/uploads/youve_got_lies.pdf
Monday, 19 January 2009
Aisle, altar, hymn
There is the story told and re-told so many times that no one knows if it is true anymore of a young bride to be who is nervous about what to do on the day of her wedding. Her dad says to think of it like this - aisle, altar, hymn. You walk up the aisle, stand at the altar and sing the first hymn then the vicar takes over and you follow his lead.
Thus it is that as the bride walks up the aisle eyes fixed on her husband to be she is repeating over and over aisle altar hymn, aisle altar hymn, aisle altar hymn, I'll alter him.
It is amusing little story but actually it does shed light on what is often a problem in marriage. Everyone has little habits that we find off putting, maybe even annoying, perhaps even irritating. And often people go into marriage thinking they can change the other person.
But the Bible would tell us that it is only the gospel that changes people. Therefore what we need and our marriages need is gospel change. If we understand the gospel better and work it into our life and into our marriages more then we will have marriage as the best it can be.
Thus it is that as the bride walks up the aisle eyes fixed on her husband to be she is repeating over and over aisle altar hymn, aisle altar hymn, aisle altar hymn, I'll alter him.
It is amusing little story but actually it does shed light on what is often a problem in marriage. Everyone has little habits that we find off putting, maybe even annoying, perhaps even irritating. And often people go into marriage thinking they can change the other person.
But the Bible would tell us that it is only the gospel that changes people. Therefore what we need and our marriages need is gospel change. If we understand the gospel better and work it into our life and into our marriages more then we will have marriage as the best it can be.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
Married for God
In light of what I have been studying this week preparing to preach on Sunday about marriage and divorce from Malachi 2. I have found myself reaching yet again for Christopher Ash's book 'Married for God'. It is a brilliant book to read with young couple preparing for marriage and for those of us who are married and have been some time.
I will be recommending it on Sunday, and recommending that people read it together as a couple and discuss the questions. We may even start a Sunday evening group to discuss each chapter and the study questions if there is a need. The book depository have copies for less than £6 each at the moment.
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
The EX generation
In preparation for the next bit of Malachi we are looking at on Sunday I've been working on the Biblical Theology of marriage and divorce and in my wider reading came across a great article in The Briefing on the children of divorced parents. I found it both challenging and helpful as I think about preaching God's word to a congregation affected by and living in a broken world.
"They are statistically more likely to do poorly academically; to suffer from depression, anxiety and low self esteem; to abuse substances; to be sexually active earlier; to participate in delinquency; and to experience divorce in their own marriages..."
"Divorce is not just an isolated incident in a child's life; it tends to affect everything in the years that follow..."
"...As more children from broken homes enter adulthood, we should expect to see a higher incidence of divorce, more people with mental health problems, more substance abusers and more individuals with relational issues."
It is not saying that all children of divorce experience this just that the statistics show they are more likely to. The article helpfully gives advice on how, as a church, to love those going through this:
"They are statistically more likely to do poorly academically; to suffer from depression, anxiety and low self esteem; to abuse substances; to be sexually active earlier; to participate in delinquency; and to experience divorce in their own marriages..."
"Divorce is not just an isolated incident in a child's life; it tends to affect everything in the years that follow..."
"...As more children from broken homes enter adulthood, we should expect to see a higher incidence of divorce, more people with mental health problems, more substance abusers and more individuals with relational issues."
It is not saying that all children of divorce experience this just that the statistics show they are more likely to. The article helpfully gives advice on how, as a church, to love those going through this:
- Preach and teach the truths of the Bible to everyone.
- Share the gospel - it alone saves.
- Work hard at our own marriages (I've added this, the article assumes it, but I don't!)
- Model good relationships and have people in and out of your home to see them in action.
- Provide support.
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