Simple steps to build gospel capable relationships

I was leading a session at Yorkshire Training yesterday on Everyday Evangelism or living mission depending on your terminology, what struck me as we looked at life and making connections between people and the gospel was how hard we find it to build friendships.

It is easy to be too busy to know anyone outside of the church as anything other than an acquaintance or work colleague.  A friend is someone who we do life deeply with, with whom we can relax and be ourselves, who we are committed to, who we will not turn away from.  Increasingly it seems that we aren't sure how to build friendships, or how to get to know people in anyway that is significant.

I shared 9 simple things yesterday that facilitate us building relationships from first meeting someone right through to building life long friendships.  They aren't steps as in you move from one to another, but they are things that ought to mark us out:

Smile
Simply put a smile says you are approachable and welcoming, it also signals a pleasure in seeing someone.

Make eye contact
Eye contact conveys an interest, a seeing of the person, that they have our attention.

Give people your undivided attention
Mobile phones they have off switches, or a text or phone call can be ignored.  Answering it or social grazing (texting or viewing Facebook or twitter while in a conversation) conveys a sense of disinterest and distractedness.  It doesn't convey welcome or invite commitment.

Get over yourself and be genuinely interested in others
Want to know about people, ask about them, pray that God would help you love others and want to know them not be absorbed in yourself.

Give honest sincere appreciation
Respond and be responsive to what they share with you.  Look for ways to encourage and build up and show that you value and appreciate the person.

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
We live in a culture that is all about tearing down, or about building ourselves up by making us seem good in comparison to others.  That does not build good friendships, it makes us fearful to entrust ourselves to someone who may in turn criticise, complain or condemn us to others.

Remember names – it matters
It's a simple thing but it really matters.  It makes people feel welcomed and cared for.  Find a way to do it.

Be a good listener
Interact as you listen, practise questions that develop conversations, think about your body language does it convey that you are listening.

Talk about their interests not yours
Don't make the conversation about you and your interests, show that you care by asking about them and their interests.

This list isn't exhaustive but it is helpful for all our friendships.  I can't help thinking that in our increasingly fragmented lonely society that if Christians related to people like this we would stand out as those who love and are committed to others