Walking with rather than talking at

I often want to be able to solve a problem quickly.  That's fine when it comes to DIY or even a simple admin job, but it is awful, destructive, and sinful when applied to people.  Part of the problem I think is absorbed from our culture of the quick fix, the instant remedy.  Part of it comes from wanting to remove pain and discomfort from the lives of those I care about.  Another part of it comes from wanting to be thought well of, wanting to be 'successful' in pastoring people, maybe even having something to dow with measurable goals or feeling like a job is finished.  And yet the Bible does not give us a steady stream of pat answers to life's problems and pains.  The Bible is not ordered or indexed or searchable in a way that enables us to look up 'd' for depression, 'a' for anxiety, or 's' for solution and we ought to be grateful for that.  Rather what we see is people walking with others through the story of their lives.

Quick answers, half thought through theology, hastily spoken misapplied doctrine is dangerous.  Just think of Job's friends.  They begin well, they sit and observe Job in silence but the problem comes when they speak and provide answers that are half thought through, received tradition misapplied to Job and his situation.  It would have been better if they had kept silent.  Or think of Nehemiah, he hears of a problem, he cares deeply about a problem, he is moved to help and literally moved to care for God's people, but he takes time to pray it through.  Even when he goes to Jerusalem he takes time to survey the walls and the people and live alongside them as he leads them to build first the walls and then a community with God at the centre within the walls.

There is a lot for us to learn from the Bible's walking with rather than talking at approach.  Think of the difference walking with gospel hope alongside a friend struggling with depression and anxiety would make rather than taking at them with quick answers about a situation we have not experienced or whose complexities and pain we don to fully understand.  Think of the difference walking with would make in any given situation of suffering you or those in your church family are facing; childlessness, infertility, loss, grief, unemployment, infirmity, disability and so on.  That is what Jesus did when he became man, he walked with us through suffering, he wept alongside Martha and Mary, he loved and lost and yet brought hope, it's no accident that we find him in the next chapter in their home again.  He walked with them and talked of hope and salvation as he walked.

Offering quick advice is easier but it is not more productive.  Walking with is longer term, it is harder work, it takes more commitment, and is more painful but it is what we are called to because it is what Jesus has done for us.

The bit I hate about pastoral ministry

What do you imagine your pastor or vicar hates about pastoral ministry?  I guess there might be a number of things: meetings, politics, admin.  I don't hate any of those things but I was powerfully reminded again yesterday of the bit I do hate.  I hate the brokenness of the world in which we live and it's devastating effects of those in our church family that I love in Christ.

Some days as a pastor your calling is to sit and listen as people pour out their hearts and lament the brokenness of the world and its impact on them and their families.  You are not called to be a dispassionate observer, or even a cool detached listener.  Your calling is to weep with those who weep, not in a professional or detached way but in a way that reflects your love of those you are called by God to care for.  It is not that their grief becomes your grief in an overly empathetic way but your compassion for them means you enter into their suffering and hurt with them, from that view point you look to minister to them.

One of those passages I turn to again and again in such circumstances is Psalm 42.  It beautifully and powerfully mixes lament at brokenness with a desperate determination to cling to God as our only hope:

1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
    under the protection of the Mighty One[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
    among the festive throng.

5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

6 My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

8 By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

11 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Debilitating, isolating and depressing

God has graciously been using my prolonged period of illness to teach me lots of things about both illness, myself and caring for others.  Some of those lessons have been hard and painful to learn but it doesn't mean that they won't be useful.  One of the most helpful has been the experience of just being unable; unable to go out, unable to do, unable to contribute.  In that context what is debilitating becomes isolating as it cuts you off from people you see in the normal run of the mill.  Others are busy and they are not seeing you as the normal context in which your relationship plays out is removed.  Without a real conscious intentional effort that you can't make and often others aren't aware is needed someone who is ill can quickly become isolated.  Then isolation can very easily lead to depression, either very mild or potentially more serious.  Such depression can easily lead to bitterness.

Experiencing this sense of debilitation and isolation hasn't been easy, but I am grateful for friends who took time to send cards, write, text or ring to minimise the sense of isolation.  But that has taken real effort on their part, it has involved an intentionality, a breaking of routines and norms.  It has cost them.  But this is what the Bible pictures a church community doing.  It should be normal in the church, but often we are just too busy to stop and think about who needs a call, a letter, a text.  I'm praying that as things get back to normal I don't let the busyness crowd out this valuable lesson.  I need to live with margin, a space between my load and limit, both for myself and for others, so that I have time to stop, think about others and recognise need and ways to break or minimise the isolation of others.

Simple steps to build gospel capable relationships

I was leading a session at Yorkshire Training yesterday on Everyday Evangelism or living mission depending on your terminology, what struck me as we looked at life and making connections between people and the gospel was how hard we find it to build friendships.

It is easy to be too busy to know anyone outside of the church as anything other than an acquaintance or work colleague.  A friend is someone who we do life deeply with, with whom we can relax and be ourselves, who we are committed to, who we will not turn away from.  Increasingly it seems that we aren't sure how to build friendships, or how to get to know people in anyway that is significant.

I shared 9 simple things yesterday that facilitate us building relationships from first meeting someone right through to building life long friendships.  They aren't steps as in you move from one to another, but they are things that ought to mark us out:

Smile
Simply put a smile says you are approachable and welcoming, it also signals a pleasure in seeing someone.

Make eye contact
Eye contact conveys an interest, a seeing of the person, that they have our attention.

Give people your undivided attention
Mobile phones they have off switches, or a text or phone call can be ignored.  Answering it or social grazing (texting or viewing Facebook or twitter while in a conversation) conveys a sense of disinterest and distractedness.  It doesn't convey welcome or invite commitment.

Get over yourself and be genuinely interested in others
Want to know about people, ask about them, pray that God would help you love others and want to know them not be absorbed in yourself.

Give honest sincere appreciation
Respond and be responsive to what they share with you.  Look for ways to encourage and build up and show that you value and appreciate the person.

Don’t criticise, condemn or complain
We live in a culture that is all about tearing down, or about building ourselves up by making us seem good in comparison to others.  That does not build good friendships, it makes us fearful to entrust ourselves to someone who may in turn criticise, complain or condemn us to others.

Remember names – it matters
It's a simple thing but it really matters.  It makes people feel welcomed and cared for.  Find a way to do it.

Be a good listener
Interact as you listen, practise questions that develop conversations, think about your body language does it convey that you are listening.

Talk about their interests not yours
Don't make the conversation about you and your interests, show that you care by asking about them and their interests.

This list isn't exhaustive but it is helpful for all our friendships.  I can't help thinking that in our increasingly fragmented lonely society that if Christians related to people like this we would stand out as those who love and are committed to others

Dealing with Discouragement

Discouragement is part of parcel of ministry, so how do we deal with it?  1 Kings 19 is such a helpful passage when we are feeling either elated by ministry joys (its a helpful reminder) or discouraged by ministry hardships.  Here's a recent talk I gave on the issue:

I'm sure you’ve seen quiz shows where they stop the action and ask ‘What happens next?’ Sometimes it’s helpful to do that with the Bible.

In 1 Kings 19 God’s people are ruled by evil King Ahab, ignore God and worship idols. God has disciplined them by withholding rain for 3 years so they turn back to him. But Ahab and the people have refused. So God through Elijah calls for a show down on Mount Carmel. In one corner is Elijah representing Yahweh. In the other; 450 prophets of Baal. Each builds an altar, puts wood and an offering on it but mustn’t light it. They’re to pray to their God and the one who sends fire from heaven to consume the sacrifice is the real God.

The priests of Baal go first, they pray, plead, shout, cut themselves, and dance from morning till evening but nothing happens. Why? Because Baal isn’t God. Then it’s Elijah’s turn, he rebuilds God’s altar, sets up the wood, cuts up the bull, then has 12 large jars of water poured over it all. Then he prays to God. And fire falls on the offering burning up the sacrifice, wood, stones, soil, and water. Israel fall down and say “The LORD, he is God!” and put the prophets of Baal to death, then Elijah prays and for the first time in 3 years there’s rain.

What happens next? You’d expect everything to change wouldn’t you? Ahab and Israel will turn back to God and Elijah and Ahab lead God’s people to live enjoying his rule.

But that’s not what happens. Ch19 focuses on Elijah. In a one on one with God we see God’s love and plans for his people and in dealing with his servants when we’re discouraged.

Be Passionate about God and his People

A survey of pastors asked; ‘what the best thing about their job was?’ The results were put into a top ten. What do you think was number 1? Seeing people change. My hunch is that’s why you do what you do; we love to see people trust Jesus, we love seeing people go on and grow as they’re changed by the gospel. It’s thrilling.

That was Elijah’s big hope and what he expected as he left Mount Carmel. Israel will change, things will be different. It’s what he’s been longing for, preaching for, praying for. His name means ‘Yahweh is God’ and that’s what Israel have just declared. Surely now everything will change, God is going to be glorified as Israel live serving and praising him.

But look at(1-2). Ahab tells Jezebel everything that happened, but she isn’t repentant, she doesn’t weigh the evidence and think wow Baal isn’t God and Yahweh is I better change. No, she ignores the evidence and sets out to kill Elijah. And that’s not a one off in the Bible, some people just won’t accept that God is God. And will do anything to crush those who say he is. Just think of North Korea or part of India right now where Christians are being killed for exactly that reason. We mustn’t be surprised when some people just won’t accept or even look at the evidence but react to it with aggression.

(3)Elijah sees what’s happening and runs away to Beersheeba, and then goes a further day’s journey into the desert. There he sits under a broom tree and prays “I have had enough, LORD... Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” That ought to shock us! God’s prophets aren’t meant to pray like this, I’m done, I’m finished, Lord kill me now. What’s going on?

Elijah isn’t despairing because Jezebel wants to kill him, he’s not afraid of dying or why would he ask God to kill him? Elijah’s in despair because Israel haven’t turned back to God. After Carmel Israel should’ve turned back to God, Baal should be finished, God’s people should be God’s people, revival should have broken out. But, Jezebel has just ignored it and Ahab and therefore Israel are just going to be led back into idolatry. ‘God, my ministry is a failure, just like every other judge, leader and prophet of your people, nothing changes, take away my life.’

Don’t read this through the filter of psychology, some people do, looking for signs of depression and diagnosing Elijah with all sorts of disorders. He doesn’t have our self-esteem hang ups. His name is his mission, and he’s devastated because even when it’s blindingly obvious to everyone that Yahweh is God Israel aren’t going to change. He thought Carmel was the key turning point but it was just a temporary high, nothing and no-one has changed.

Elijah is passionate for God’s glory and for his people, that’s what we’re meant to see, and he feels like his whole ministry is a failure. If they didn’t change at Carmel when will they?

We need not just to see Elijah’s passion for God and his people but to share it, the danger is discouragment saps that passion.

Have you ever felt like this? You share the gospel with a friend and they begin to respond, to see Jesus, to recognise their sin and they can’t make themselves right with God. They’re amazed at Jesus love in dying for them. But then something or someone holds them back from trusting him.

Or you’re studying the bible with someone and they are grasping it, it’s exciting watching them grow and change. Then suddenly the shutters come down and they make excuses as to why they can’t meet, and grow cold.

Or someone in leadership begins to drift; they close up, get into an unhelpful relationship, become distant, then irregular, then just disappear.

Or maybe it’s a low after a high. The term looked so good and promising; there is growth, people are engaging, unbelievers hearing the gospel, but then comes your Jezebel moment – your opposition that threatens to derail everything, and it can come from an unusual source can’t it. It can be a church or a leader or a Christian organisation, or even internal.

In each case we find our hearts breaking, we find ourselves discouraged, and yes sometimes we can find ourselves like Elijah saying ‘that’s it Lord I’m done, that’s enough.’ We don’t go as far as take my life. In fact we often don’t verbalise it at all, we just withdraw from sharing the gospel with people, from discipling, from relationships. Every disappointment, every person that drifts, every contentious issue seems to take a scalpel to our heart and cut it open a little more and the danger is we wall off our hearts so we don’t get hurt, don’t feel the disappointment.

The danger is a slow bleed of gospel joy from our lives. We’ve got a small leak in our central heating system. It’s nothing major, you just lose a little bit of pressure every day. It’s barely even noticeable. But if you leave it then the system will break, there will be nothing to pump round to keep the system going. Disappointment and discouragement is like that small leak.

We need to realise this if we’re to be sustained in gospel ministry: God doesn’t rebuke Elijah for his discouragement, rather as we’ll see God lovingly, graciously ministers to him in it.

But before we get to that can I ask; do we share Elijah’s passion for God’s glory and his people? And have discouragement and disappointment begun to do their deadly work of hardening you one slow leak of joy at a time?

Trust God and his plans

(5-8)God doesn’t tell Elijah off for running away, twice God provides food and allows him to sleep. It’s vital we get this; God is concerned with Elijah’s physical needs. God doesn’t want Elijah burning the candle at both ends to try to right the situation! He mustn't develop a 'Mini-Messiah complex'.  God provides physical rest and refreshment. Notice the food is described in detail, why? Because the angel prepares the same food(6) the widow prepared when Elijah was on the run from Ahab and Jezebel before. God provides and has a track record of protecting Elijah. God’s previous faithfulness and protection is supposed to provide a positive feedback loop to fuel Elijah’s bold ministry. And (7-9)the Angel feeds Elijah enough for a journey to Mount Horeb, God provides for his physical needs and leads him to where he’ll teach him about his plans and purposes.

What did you dream serving God where you are would look like? For some of us where we are doesn’t look like we imagined. We rarely dream of serving God in the ordinary and the mundane, or in the small and slow to change, or in the difficult and the opposed. We long for significance, we don’t dream of the slow, the hard and the steady.

But God teaches Elijah to trust him and his plans even if they don’t look like he imagined.

Elijah is led to Mount Horeb, or Sinai, as it’s sometimes called, his journey of 40 days and nights mirrors Israel’s journey to the Mountain where the covenant was made. His experience there also mirrors Moses seeing God pass by. It’s a deliberate leading by God to the Mountain of the LORD. And when Elijah gets there God asks (9) “What are you doing here, Elijah?” It seems an odd question, some argue it’s a rebuke, but it can’t be if God has led him there can it. It’s not a rebuke it’s an invitation; ‘Elijah share with me your disappointment and despair.’ Isn’t that encouraging, the Almighty God of the universe who knows asks Elijah to share what is on his heart, he doesn’t want any less from us. That is gracious loving care.

And Elijah does, he pours out his heart about how Israel have broken the covenant on the Mountain where the covenant was made, and how his ministry is a failure. His words(10) are primarily about God’s glory and Israel’s breaking of the covenant – they’ve torn down God’s altar, put God’s prophets to death, and rejected God’s covenant. And we hear the pain and despair Elijah feels in each charge.

And God listens. God doesn’t tell him to ‘Man-up!’ God graciously, tenderly and lovingly teaches and encourages him to see God’s plan. God appears not in the hurricane force winds, or the earthquake or the fire. But in the gentle whisper.

And God invites him to repeat his charge against Israel again. And just as God was in the gentle whisper, the quiet word, so God reassures Elijah that he is at work through his word, and that change will come as he keeps his word(15-19). It won’t be the spectacular that sees Israel judged for breaking the covenant, it won’t be the spectacular that leads the people to repent. But as God’s word works in ordinary ways. God tells Elijah to appoint Hazael, Jehu and Elisha who will act in judgement. And promises that there will be a faithful remnant who follow him.

Israel may not have turned at Carmel but God isn’t done with them yet. Elijah be encouraged and trust me.

But I want you to notice something else too Elijah is told to go back to where ministry is hard and keep going, to be link in the chain in God’s gospel project to the world he has called him to be. The revival he longs for won’t come through his ministry but through Elisha’s – whose name means God saves. Elijah is to prepare the way for those who will lead Israel back to God.

Don’t despair, don’t think you care more about God’s glory than he does. Don’t think you know what your role in God’s kingdom looks like better than he does. God has put you where he has put you to serve him. Don’t mortgage the present by longing for something more significant in your eyes, be the link in the gospel chain God has called you to be.

Where you are may not be as you imagined it but God has put you there to serve his kingdom and is working his purposes out. It may not look glorious and significant as you dreamed it would. And the temptation is to despair in the unspectacular, slow, steady, and opposed or maybe even to think of going somewhere else. You long for God’s glory and salvation to be known and realised but it doesn’t seem to be. God knows your longing for what he longs for, but he is working. 

Elijah lived his whole life longing to see God bring salvation, to see his glory, he never did in his lifetime, the temporary high on Carmel was as good as it got. But years later at the transfiguration he saw Jesus – the word made flesh, the Saviour of the world who would bring millions from every nation back to him, he sees the importance of his link in the chain. And the wonder of God’s salvation plan through the ages. God will fulfil every longing one day, we will see his glory, we will see the significance of our ministry, our link in the chain, in hard places for his glory and it will all seem worth it.

But as we labour, God provides, he doesn’t want us to burn out but to take time to be refreshed, he wants us to trust in what he is doing, to serve trusting, to serve reliant, and to come and speak to him about how we feel. Be it that we are at the top of Mount Carmel, or feel like we’re running from or facing down a Jezebel.

My Ideal Church

As a pastor I sometimes find myself daydreaming about my ideal church.  A church where suffering and sin don't have such a profound impact everyday.  Where when the phone goes it isn't news of a loss, a bereavement, a miscarriage, a marriage breakup or breakdown.  Where the families of those I am privileged to care for are not continually being ravaged by suffering.  Where no-one drifts but everyone is pressing on for the prize and engaged in evangelism out of an overflow of love for Christ.  Where we are all united around the primary issues and lovingly bear with one other on secondary issues where we differ.  Where there is no such thing as friendly fire.  Where people don't drift or grow cold or hard to the gospel.

As I've been thinking about it I think some of that is good.  Some of that longing is a desire for Christ to come again and for his church to be perfected and secure in his kingdom come.  Some of that desire is because we hate to see people we care about suffer.  Some of it is because we long to see people grow in their appreciation of and love for the gospel.

But some of it reveals an idolatry in myself.  A desire for a church that is easy to pastor, for people who don't need so much care and love, a longing for comfort and ease.  A longing to be liked and respected and valued.  Maybe mixed in there is also a bit of reputation idolatry - if church was like that what would it say about my ministry?  What would others conclude?

The reality is that ministry in a broken world will always be reflective of life in a broken world.  Sin impacts the church and those who are in it.  But I am reminded again and again in God's word that Christ is enough, enough for life, enough for loss, enough for ministry in the midst of each and everyone one of those.  Each loss needs to drive me away from self reliance - upon my skills, my experience, my ability to love - and to Christ who will supply all my needs.  Each criticism is to wean me from pride and remind me that I am to labour for his well done not peoples.  Each division is to drive me to pray that by the Holy Spirit God opens eyes and ignites hearts again to the wonder of the gospel of his Son.

Bringing Comfort to people

What do you say to someone who is facing difficulties? What do you say to someone who faces surgery? Or long term treatment for illness? What do you say to their family?

There are a couple of dangers, one is to avoid them because we just don’t know what to say, the other is to swamp them and talk about nothing else.

So actually how do we bring comfort.

1. Spend time with people – build relationships now so you can bring comfort then.
2. Spend time with people in crisis.
3. Don’t say ‘It’ll be alright’ or I’m sure it will be fine’. They don’t know that and it is a vague wish without foundation.
4. Comfort is ultimately found in Christ, his forgiveness and resurrection, the future is secured - we must be applying the gospel to people's lives.
5. Christ will make up for every loss that we have endured here.
6. God works all things for our good. It may be not be good, but he will work it for our good. Though often people can’t see it then, sometimes it takes 10 years or more, some never see it this side of eternity. Don’t expect your friend to feel it emotionally, they will be raw and in pain.
7. Don’t preach these truths to them. Model hope for them – keep reading the Bible for those comforts we have spoken of above, and ensure that as you weep with them, as you hold their hand, as you feel with them that you show them hope.
8. Sometimes when someone is suffering they will question God and the temptation is to want to correct them theologically. Let those words go.
9. Pray for God to heal.
10. Don’t idolise the world, but live for eternity. (Phil 3)

I would always want to read a passage with them, and close by praying for them and their situation.

Thoughts on pastoral care

Last night a group of us got together to think about how we care for one another in the church. We began by focusing on the fact that pastoral care is not just something we give others; we need to also recognise our need of it. We cannot help feed others unless we ourselves are being fed.

Secondly pastoral care is not one person’s responsibility it is everyone’s responsibility. It happens whenever we teach the bible to others in a way that is applied to real life. But it also happens relationally when we live out our discipleship alongside each other, but it isn’t automatic but intentional.

The Bible assumes we as believers will be engaged in this:
"I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another." Romans 15:14

"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." 2 Cor 13:11

"Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts." Col 3:16-17

"Therefore encourage one another with these words." 1 Thess 4:18

"See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebs 3:12-13

Different levels of care:
Everyday/everyone/low level – based on growing relationship with individuals and within the group.
What does it look like and when does it happen? It looks like any number of things here are some: taking in interest in someone, exercising hospitality, texting someone you know has a tough week, asking how someones week has been and how they are spiritually, asking what encouragements there have been.

When does it happen? It can happen any time and any place but here are some we may want to intentional utilise: Sunday at church over coffee, at start/end of home group, whenever we meet up and ask about each others lives, when we open our homes to someone

Medium/more formal level – involves deeper relationships and commitment.
What does it look like and when does it happen? In a 1-2-1/prayer splodge (triplet or group), visit to house, having someone over for a meal, a set accountability relationship, a agreed meeting times

When? It can be part of home group, or regularly, or as and when.

High Level – Is basically crisis care and support.

The difference between care and pastoral care:
However we can be doing these things and it be just care rather than pastoral care. Pastoral care is specifically when we are seeking to bring the Bible and its truths to bear on people’s lives.
In pastoral care we don’t want people to feel better about themselves or their situation but to grasp the gospel and its implications and thus change. That means we must be teaching the bible to people as part of our pastoral care, ‘speaking the truth in love’.

The Bible is our pastoral care manual, because it is realistic about:
• the problems and pressures we face in life (Heat)
• the nature of our hearts and reactions (Heart)
• the solution (Cross)
• the right response of faith (Fruit)

In 2 Corinthians 1:3-11 we see a good example of the Bibles realism.
Heat: What is the pressure here?
Paul and the team are facing troubles, under pressure beyond what they can bear, despairing of life itself, under death sentence.

Heart: What is the natural hearts response?
(9)self reliance, despair

Cross: What ought we to focus on?
But Paul and co do not give in to the pressure, or respond from sin in their hearts but they respond by grace, recognising God’s character as a God of compassion, the comfort God provides, and the comfort that comes through Christ who has shared in our sufferings.

Fruit: What results flow from a deeper understanding of the gospel?
They rely on God not themselves and are able to comfort others as they have been comforted, and do not loss their hope and despair but are able to live in the light of their hope.

Some basics of pastoral care:
1. Men deal with men, women with women
2. Help people see that factors like other people, upbringing and the stresses and strains of life are not the problem, ultimately our hearts are.
3. Help people see that we underestimate our sinfulness
4. Help people see that we underestimate our new identity in Christ
5. Examine the gospel gap in their living and how they may have filled it with other things.
6. Apply the gospel – not legalism, or activism or pop psychology to their lives.

We then spent some time thinking through some situations, none of these is exhaustive but was simply to get people thinking about the how and when as well as how the gospel can be applied in every situation.

Work through these asking what is the Heat, Heart, Cross, Fruit? What are the right contexts and ways to deal with this person? How is the gospel gap showing itself in their lives? What passages of scripture would it be helpful to look at and why?

1. Mel has a problem with one of her girls, and she begins to open up to you over a coffee, no matter what they try Elle just rebels and refuses to do whatever they say. And it isn’t just in the home, but at church and it is embarrassing. Mel is at the end of her patience and has recently found herself snappy and aggressive towards Elle.

2. Simon has always been career motivated; he was a high flier earning and was well respected in the business community. But then with the downturn he has lost his job and despite having lots of interviews has not got a job. Simon is getting depressed and withdrawing, his wife is working so they are OK financially but he is beginning to be aggressive and resentful towards her.

3. John comes along faithfully to church every Sunday and is very active in lots of areas, if a job needs doing John will volunteer. He is a willing participant in home group but you notice that his answers are always based on what we can do.

4. Holly knocks on your door distraught her best friend finally passed away this morning after a long battle with cancer.

5. Doug confides in you over coffee that he simply can’t stand someone in his home group, in fact he has stopped going so that he doesn’t have to see them. It’s OK in church, he says, because he can just keep out of their way, he asks if he can join your group.