Andrew and Rachel Wilson's book is well worth reading for anyone who is part of a church family where there are children full stop. It is worth reading for all of us because we live in a world where there are children with Special Educational Needs and for so many of us we lack an understanding of what life is like both for the child and the parents and this impacts the expectations we have of them and the way we react to them.
The authors are clear about what the book is not from the off. It is not a how to book, it is not a book that claims to have all the answers, or to provide universal solutions. Rather it takes us on their journey from the initial shock and grief of diagnosis to dealing with constantly shifting expectations, reactions, and progress or regression of their children. However, one mustn't pigeon hole this book as only for those with SEN children, it has insights to provide for all who suffer or walk through suffering with those who do, and a particularly helpful chapter on healing.
The book is easy to read and is helpfully set out in 5 cycles of weeping, worshipping, waiting, witnessing and breathe. They provide a helpful reminder woven into the very structure often book that life parenting children with SEN is not linear but cyclical. There is a sense of movement and progress but it is often jerky, frequently sporadic and interspersed with times of feeling like you are back to square one. One of the most beautiful aspects of the book was the glimpses we get of the care provided for Andrew and Rachel by their extended family and their church family. There is an openness and honesty about the battles within their own hearts, the struggles of faith, and their fears for the future, but throughout there is a warm love for, and trust in, God our Father.
The church should be the best place to bring up special needs children and this book is a significant first step for us in thinking through how we make that so.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, 9 March 2016
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
Does church short change believers?
I've begun re-reading Mark's gospel in preparation for preaching the second half of it in the Autumn. As I read I came across familiar verses, "there is no-one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and the gospel, who will not receive a hundred fold now in this time... and in the ages to come eternal life." I then ended up discussing just that very idea later in the day with someone else. And it got me thinking, Jesus says those who count the cost and give up those things, specifically family, will be blessed with his family. The church is God's means of fulfilling Jesus promise to those who pay that price.
That is a staggering statement, an amazing promise. But are we failing in keeping it? Are we short changing people who have given up to follow Jesus? I remember a conversation with a friend of mine not long after he got married having been a single professional for a long time. The biggest difference was all the invitations they as a couple had to come over for a meal which he had never received when he was single. That testimony shows us a huge problem if that is replicated in the church. We are not being God's family to those who have left family, or moved away from family, are estranged from family, or have no family.
Having someone round for a meal is not the answer, it is just symptomatic of the problem, though inviting a wider range of people would be a good start. The bigger issue is to do with generosity and hospitality, with love and reshaping church to be family. We need to reshape our picture of church and our very British values and view of our homes. Our family is our church, that means we are to be doing life together, that means we should be in and out of each others homes, not just on special occasions but in the mundane.
This is especially vital with single people who may feel they are missing out on a family. Invite them to share in family mealtimes, in family days out, in life. As a family, as their church family be their brothers, sisters, and children. Do the same for students, for the widowed, the elderly, the single, the teenager, and the divorced, in fact make that your norm no matter who its with.
Can you imagine the attractiveness of a church that rediscovers this call to be family? The witness to the wonder of the gospel as people share with their non-believing friends the joys and struggles of their church family which they share in and where they are loved, welcomed, and valued. The opportunities to grow in grace and love. The strength of relationships and increase in possibilities to speak the truth in love to one another across societies normal boundaries.
Would it create a church with no narrowly defined specific need groups? No singles ministry, no twenties and thirties group, no seniors bible study? It may change that it may not, but it would certainly ensure that those groups didn't divide church. That church was a big family rather than a collection of small families.
Jesus envisages church as a blessing, as a family, as inclusive and welcoming and loving. Dare we allow the church to be anything less?
That is a staggering statement, an amazing promise. But are we failing in keeping it? Are we short changing people who have given up to follow Jesus? I remember a conversation with a friend of mine not long after he got married having been a single professional for a long time. The biggest difference was all the invitations they as a couple had to come over for a meal which he had never received when he was single. That testimony shows us a huge problem if that is replicated in the church. We are not being God's family to those who have left family, or moved away from family, are estranged from family, or have no family.
Having someone round for a meal is not the answer, it is just symptomatic of the problem, though inviting a wider range of people would be a good start. The bigger issue is to do with generosity and hospitality, with love and reshaping church to be family. We need to reshape our picture of church and our very British values and view of our homes. Our family is our church, that means we are to be doing life together, that means we should be in and out of each others homes, not just on special occasions but in the mundane.
This is especially vital with single people who may feel they are missing out on a family. Invite them to share in family mealtimes, in family days out, in life. As a family, as their church family be their brothers, sisters, and children. Do the same for students, for the widowed, the elderly, the single, the teenager, and the divorced, in fact make that your norm no matter who its with.
Can you imagine the attractiveness of a church that rediscovers this call to be family? The witness to the wonder of the gospel as people share with their non-believing friends the joys and struggles of their church family which they share in and where they are loved, welcomed, and valued. The opportunities to grow in grace and love. The strength of relationships and increase in possibilities to speak the truth in love to one another across societies normal boundaries.
Would it create a church with no narrowly defined specific need groups? No singles ministry, no twenties and thirties group, no seniors bible study? It may change that it may not, but it would certainly ensure that those groups didn't divide church. That church was a big family rather than a collection of small families.
Jesus envisages church as a blessing, as a family, as inclusive and welcoming and loving. Dare we allow the church to be anything less?
Monday, 13 May 2013
Loving the Church as God does: One Body (1 Cor 12:12-26)
Here are the notes from last nights LightHouse:
Is church an optional extra, a necessary evil, or something else (if so what) and why?
Our generation has two huge problems in our thinking about church, both are values we absorb from our culture; individualism and uniformity. We’re taught to be individuals from a young age, to be independent and stand on our own two feet. But we also prize uniformity, we mix most often with people who are like us in age, education, back ground, life stage, thinking, approach and so on. Why? Because it is easier, less effort, there are fewer misunderstandings and problems with communication, more shared values and assumptions, less need to forgive and to work hard to love.
#
The problem is that they limit our joy in the gospel and stop us getting God’s intention for us as his church. Part of the aim of this series is to look at God’s view of what the church is, not the church universal but our local church, Grace Church. To have our eyes lifted to see what God says we’re doing as we do life together centred on the gospel. God creates the church as an essential for our good and joy in him and to declare and bring him glory.
Both individualism and uniformity pervert God’s design for church and leave us short changed. If we find ourselves frustrated and longing for more from church we need to look at our hearts and thinking first and ask if the problem is the music or the structure or the programme or if it is in us. Because individualism will ensure we keep people at arm’s length, not revealing our hearts, or asking people to speak the gospel to us either as encouragement or rebuke, not committing to community, it will leave us with a shallow experience of church as event. And a desire for uniformity will lead to us to form cliques and stage/age/outlook groups and rob us of true joy in the gospel and the growth in love that brings.
In effect that means we pervert the glory of God’s design and purpose of the church. We take what was a masterpiece and smear paint over it, like a clumsy restoration artist who tries to improve the perfect picture, but in so doing simply adds layers of paint that make it hard to see the masters true brushstrokes.
As we turn to Corinthians there is a danger in thinking that it was ok for the early church, they had the Apostles, they had it easy compared to us, the early churches were the ideal, if only we were more like them. Corinth was a church divided by individualism and the cult of uniformity. In Ch1 they’re divided over leaders, Ch10-11 over whether they can or can’t eat food sacrificed to idols, Ch11 over wealth and the Lord’s Supper, and Ch11/12 over their use of spiritual gifts. Individualism ruled in Corinth and led to a church divided, full of cliques based on have/have not, gifted/less gifted. Paul writes to correct this wrong culturally infected view of church.
It helps us see God’s wonderful vision for church, but also challenges us about how we do church.
God’s Church in God’s image
Paul uses the image of a body with his stress being on the oneness of the body in its diversity. (12)Our physical body is composed of different parts with different roles but all united and working together as one body, so it is with the church, Christ’s body. Straight away Paul lifts our eyes up from the physical and the mundane, from the chairs that need putting out, the piano, the Sunday School, the meeting to the spiritual reality and gives us God’s view of church. The church not just universal but local is Christ’s body.
But there is more, the church is united not by our decision but by the Holy Spirit(13), as we are baptised with the Holy Spirit at conversion and filled with the Holy Spirit. And that primarily defines our identity; we’re now Spirit filled members of Christ’s body not Jews or Gentiles, slave or free, and you could add poor or rich, middle class or working class, deprived or privileged, southern or northern, educated or not. The Spirit unites the many different parts of the body and works to keep us united as one body.
And (18, 24)God has placed the parts in the body together. God builds his church, God unites and calls together his people who are filled with the Spirit to form Christ’s body. That gives the church tremendous dignity.
We can look at church and feel it’s insignificant, we see what it’s missing; e.g. worship group, evangelist, leaders and so on... To keep with the body image we look and think we’re missing a hand, or afoot, or an eye, or a kidney. But God has placed our local church body together. And practically that ought to cause us to hold our tongues, there’s a danger that in listing churches short comings we criticise God, unthinkingly accusing him of failing to build the church right as if we could do it better.
It is arrogant to think we know better than God. So how do we deal with it when we feel there’s something missing in church? Pray about it, firstly looking into our hearts to see if uniformity and individualism are driving our thinking, do we just want church full of people like us, or church as we’d like it? We also need to thank God for what he’s put together, and then bring him our concern and leave it with him, not keep on about it or talk the church down to others. We mustn’t let it make us devalue what God has put together.
Diverse but not Divided (15-20)
The image painted in (15-17) has a hint of Frankenstein or Monsters Inc about it, with the whole body as an eye or ear. (18-20)We see the point of that illustration, God has put the church together with all its different gifts and characters and he has made us one. God hasn’t taken a divine iron to the church and ironed out all the differences, he hasn’t made everyone the same, but in the gospel by the Spirit he has made the many diverse parts into one body. That’s the glory of the Church, as we look round and see people who are different to us we must praise God for the power and wonder of the gospel.
One of the problems in Corinth was of people feeling inferior and unnecessary, they thought of themselves as not as gifted, or able, or as up-front and therefore less necessary. The danger is that leads them to want to be something they were not, and it distorts the body and means it doesn’t function properly.
That attitude is alive and well in church today, and it can be made worse by overemphasising one gift over another, one way of serving over others. It can lead to an inferiority complex which means people not gifted one way discount their gifting and become inactive, or even feeling it isn’t the church for me and leaving.
Particularly in our platform obsessed culture I think we tend to prize more highly positions of leadership and those that put you at the front of church, to the detriment of other gifts. As a church we must fight this culture, we must value and encourage everyone to serve with their gifts, providing opportunities and equipping as we do so that God’s church is seen in all its glory, and so that the church grows as a body, diverse but not divided.
United but not Uniform(21-26)
The other threat to the church is a desire for uniformity, for everyone to be like us. It evidences itself in cliques and groups forming in church which in are really about self love – as we love those who are like us we’re really loving ourselves – which in turn greats divisions and produce superior attitudes. We mustn’t let that happen because it rips, tears and divides God’s church. That superiority is seen (21)as the head looks down and says to the feet I don’t need you. That’s impossible says Paul, it can’t do that. There is no such thing as an appendix in the church, there is nothing our church body can manage without.
The church will be composed of stronger and weaker, more visible and less visible, protected and protector, but each part needs the other. And (24)God has designed it that way on purpose, that’s part of his plan for the church, why? (25)“so that there should be no division but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.” The church as each diverse part cares for each other diverse part is not divided but united, it displays the love of our good God.
Notice that the different parts have equal concern, we see what that looks like (26)“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.” It is not the job of a few to care for the many, it is the job of all the body. It is not up to the hands to look after each other, or the toes to care for one another. Everyone in the body is to care for everyone in the body. We need to look honestly at our practical outworking of this – who in the church am I caring for, who am I not? Whose needs do I know instantly and who do I not know what to pray for, let alone how to care for them? Am I only caring for those like me or who I already know well?
One of the ways we try to help this happen is through Gospel Groups, but they can also work against this, if we only care for those people in our group, if we only talk to those people on Sunday or only look out for them during the week.
When someone in church is suffering, grieving, struggling we should all feel it with them, compassion marks out the church and leads to practical action – we pop round, take a meal, take them out for coffee, listen, send a card, invite them over, pray with and for them. When someone disappears from church we ring them, or get in contact to see how they are and ask what we can pray for.
When someone is honoured we don’t envy them or their gifting but rejoice with them because God has gifted them for our good and the glory of his church.
Independence and uniformity will destroy, dislocate and dismember the body. The church is God’s glorious creation put together by him, united in the Spirit and with Christ as its head displaying his love, mercy, goodness and grace to a watching universe.
What a privilege to be called to be part of it, with the role God has assigned us with the gifts he has assigned us! What a tragedy if we allow individualism or anything else to create an attitude of superiority or inferiority that damages the body.
Discussion:
1. How should we deal with a sense of dissatisfaction with, or longing for more from, church?
Is church an optional extra, a necessary evil, or something else (if so what) and why?
Our generation has two huge problems in our thinking about church, both are values we absorb from our culture; individualism and uniformity. We’re taught to be individuals from a young age, to be independent and stand on our own two feet. But we also prize uniformity, we mix most often with people who are like us in age, education, back ground, life stage, thinking, approach and so on. Why? Because it is easier, less effort, there are fewer misunderstandings and problems with communication, more shared values and assumptions, less need to forgive and to work hard to love.
#
The problem is that they limit our joy in the gospel and stop us getting God’s intention for us as his church. Part of the aim of this series is to look at God’s view of what the church is, not the church universal but our local church, Grace Church. To have our eyes lifted to see what God says we’re doing as we do life together centred on the gospel. God creates the church as an essential for our good and joy in him and to declare and bring him glory.
Both individualism and uniformity pervert God’s design for church and leave us short changed. If we find ourselves frustrated and longing for more from church we need to look at our hearts and thinking first and ask if the problem is the music or the structure or the programme or if it is in us. Because individualism will ensure we keep people at arm’s length, not revealing our hearts, or asking people to speak the gospel to us either as encouragement or rebuke, not committing to community, it will leave us with a shallow experience of church as event. And a desire for uniformity will lead to us to form cliques and stage/age/outlook groups and rob us of true joy in the gospel and the growth in love that brings.
In effect that means we pervert the glory of God’s design and purpose of the church. We take what was a masterpiece and smear paint over it, like a clumsy restoration artist who tries to improve the perfect picture, but in so doing simply adds layers of paint that make it hard to see the masters true brushstrokes.
As we turn to Corinthians there is a danger in thinking that it was ok for the early church, they had the Apostles, they had it easy compared to us, the early churches were the ideal, if only we were more like them. Corinth was a church divided by individualism and the cult of uniformity. In Ch1 they’re divided over leaders, Ch10-11 over whether they can or can’t eat food sacrificed to idols, Ch11 over wealth and the Lord’s Supper, and Ch11/12 over their use of spiritual gifts. Individualism ruled in Corinth and led to a church divided, full of cliques based on have/have not, gifted/less gifted. Paul writes to correct this wrong culturally infected view of church.
It helps us see God’s wonderful vision for church, but also challenges us about how we do church.
God’s Church in God’s image
Paul uses the image of a body with his stress being on the oneness of the body in its diversity. (12)Our physical body is composed of different parts with different roles but all united and working together as one body, so it is with the church, Christ’s body. Straight away Paul lifts our eyes up from the physical and the mundane, from the chairs that need putting out, the piano, the Sunday School, the meeting to the spiritual reality and gives us God’s view of church. The church not just universal but local is Christ’s body.
But there is more, the church is united not by our decision but by the Holy Spirit(13), as we are baptised with the Holy Spirit at conversion and filled with the Holy Spirit. And that primarily defines our identity; we’re now Spirit filled members of Christ’s body not Jews or Gentiles, slave or free, and you could add poor or rich, middle class or working class, deprived or privileged, southern or northern, educated or not. The Spirit unites the many different parts of the body and works to keep us united as one body.
And (18, 24)God has placed the parts in the body together. God builds his church, God unites and calls together his people who are filled with the Spirit to form Christ’s body. That gives the church tremendous dignity.
We can look at church and feel it’s insignificant, we see what it’s missing; e.g. worship group, evangelist, leaders and so on... To keep with the body image we look and think we’re missing a hand, or afoot, or an eye, or a kidney. But God has placed our local church body together. And practically that ought to cause us to hold our tongues, there’s a danger that in listing churches short comings we criticise God, unthinkingly accusing him of failing to build the church right as if we could do it better.
It is arrogant to think we know better than God. So how do we deal with it when we feel there’s something missing in church? Pray about it, firstly looking into our hearts to see if uniformity and individualism are driving our thinking, do we just want church full of people like us, or church as we’d like it? We also need to thank God for what he’s put together, and then bring him our concern and leave it with him, not keep on about it or talk the church down to others. We mustn’t let it make us devalue what God has put together.
Diverse but not Divided (15-20)
The image painted in (15-17) has a hint of Frankenstein or Monsters Inc about it, with the whole body as an eye or ear. (18-20)We see the point of that illustration, God has put the church together with all its different gifts and characters and he has made us one. God hasn’t taken a divine iron to the church and ironed out all the differences, he hasn’t made everyone the same, but in the gospel by the Spirit he has made the many diverse parts into one body. That’s the glory of the Church, as we look round and see people who are different to us we must praise God for the power and wonder of the gospel.
One of the problems in Corinth was of people feeling inferior and unnecessary, they thought of themselves as not as gifted, or able, or as up-front and therefore less necessary. The danger is that leads them to want to be something they were not, and it distorts the body and means it doesn’t function properly.
That attitude is alive and well in church today, and it can be made worse by overemphasising one gift over another, one way of serving over others. It can lead to an inferiority complex which means people not gifted one way discount their gifting and become inactive, or even feeling it isn’t the church for me and leaving.
Particularly in our platform obsessed culture I think we tend to prize more highly positions of leadership and those that put you at the front of church, to the detriment of other gifts. As a church we must fight this culture, we must value and encourage everyone to serve with their gifts, providing opportunities and equipping as we do so that God’s church is seen in all its glory, and so that the church grows as a body, diverse but not divided.
United but not Uniform(21-26)
The other threat to the church is a desire for uniformity, for everyone to be like us. It evidences itself in cliques and groups forming in church which in are really about self love – as we love those who are like us we’re really loving ourselves – which in turn greats divisions and produce superior attitudes. We mustn’t let that happen because it rips, tears and divides God’s church. That superiority is seen (21)as the head looks down and says to the feet I don’t need you. That’s impossible says Paul, it can’t do that. There is no such thing as an appendix in the church, there is nothing our church body can manage without.
The church will be composed of stronger and weaker, more visible and less visible, protected and protector, but each part needs the other. And (24)God has designed it that way on purpose, that’s part of his plan for the church, why? (25)“so that there should be no division but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.” The church as each diverse part cares for each other diverse part is not divided but united, it displays the love of our good God.
Notice that the different parts have equal concern, we see what that looks like (26)“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honoured, every part rejoices with it.” It is not the job of a few to care for the many, it is the job of all the body. It is not up to the hands to look after each other, or the toes to care for one another. Everyone in the body is to care for everyone in the body. We need to look honestly at our practical outworking of this – who in the church am I caring for, who am I not? Whose needs do I know instantly and who do I not know what to pray for, let alone how to care for them? Am I only caring for those like me or who I already know well?
One of the ways we try to help this happen is through Gospel Groups, but they can also work against this, if we only care for those people in our group, if we only talk to those people on Sunday or only look out for them during the week.
When someone in church is suffering, grieving, struggling we should all feel it with them, compassion marks out the church and leads to practical action – we pop round, take a meal, take them out for coffee, listen, send a card, invite them over, pray with and for them. When someone disappears from church we ring them, or get in contact to see how they are and ask what we can pray for.
When someone is honoured we don’t envy them or their gifting but rejoice with them because God has gifted them for our good and the glory of his church.
Independence and uniformity will destroy, dislocate and dismember the body. The church is God’s glorious creation put together by him, united in the Spirit and with Christ as its head displaying his love, mercy, goodness and grace to a watching universe.
What a privilege to be called to be part of it, with the role God has assigned us with the gifts he has assigned us! What a tragedy if we allow individualism or anything else to create an attitude of superiority or inferiority that damages the body.
Discussion:
1. How should we deal with a sense of dissatisfaction with, or longing for more from, church?
2. How
can we encourage and facilitate equal concern for one another? What barriers are there to this and how do we
overcome them?
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Distinctive Gospel parenting
On Sunday we were looking at Luke 18 and the account of Jesus meeting with the Rich Young Ruler who despite having lived a good life Jesus identifies as having an idol problem. Whilst he has loved others his struggle is in loving God above his money - as Jesus speaks to the man he says sell all you have, then come and follow me. The man cannot do both, he has to decide - either God and the kingdom is his number one desire of his stuff is. Tragically the man goes away sad!
One of the issues we were thinking about was what our idols are and it bought up the whole issue of gospel parenting - can we as believers love our children too much? And how do we know whether we have gospel love for our children or idolatrous love for our children.
The bible would affirm that we as parents should love our children, Jesus says that we know how to give good gifts to our children - presuming we love them. In Deuteronomy we see commands given to parents concerning their children and throughout the Old Testament there is a sense of parents needing to love and lead their children. It is right and godly that we love our children they are a gift from God to us.
But as with all good things they can become an ultimate things, they can become idols. So how do we love our children in a distinctive gospel way?
Partly this involves what it is we most want for our children. Distinctive gospel parenting wants our children first and foremost to come to faith, to know God through Jesus and to serve him. It means our dreams for them are gospel focused not exam results, marriage, home etc... And this will be more than just a head desire, it will be a heart desire which determines our actions and behaviour throughout our children's lives.
It will mean at times being in conflict with our children. If our children go through a stage of not wanting to go to church we will not bow down to their will. But will discuss with them why it is important, why it is a family priority and at times simply take them. Though on the flip side churches must recognise that children are part of the kingdom community, value them, include them and encourage them to serve.
It means our priorities set the agenda in the home. We will model our priorities to them in the home in terms of what we long for them to be. The parent who pushes school performance, exam results, and academic achievement is saying to their child that is what will make you happy not the gospel. I think for many of us stepping off the treadmill of parenting one up man ship in terms of reading bands, Sat's scores, exam results and the like is a key gospel distinctive. What will make our children happy and what ought to make us happy is them knowing and serving Jesus, not academic performance.
Time is the way in which children measure how much we love them. They will soon learn that they are our idol if everything in our world revolves around them. We can't do this because the children... we can't do that because the children... A healthy look at our diaries is a good thing. We ought to encourage our children to engage in activities but what they want to do ought not to be all consuming.
What is family? That is one of the fundamental questions we have to ask ourselves. How do I think of family? How do I guard and protect it? We are all family with the phrase an Englishman's home is his castle, I think there has been a subtle shift in the last generation to an Englishman's family is his castle. How often do we invite others into our families? Do we really see church as our family? Or is that just an idea we know we should espouse rather than a reality to live out?
There is much more to say about this but maybe another time. How can I tell if my children are an idol, or a potential idol? For now here are some questions to answer honestly and think through?
a. What is your greatest dream for your children?
b. What do they say your greatest dream for them is?
c. How much do they dictate the pace and activities of life in your home?
d. Is your family your castle?
e. Where does church family fit into your family and your family into church?
One of the issues we were thinking about was what our idols are and it bought up the whole issue of gospel parenting - can we as believers love our children too much? And how do we know whether we have gospel love for our children or idolatrous love for our children.
The bible would affirm that we as parents should love our children, Jesus says that we know how to give good gifts to our children - presuming we love them. In Deuteronomy we see commands given to parents concerning their children and throughout the Old Testament there is a sense of parents needing to love and lead their children. It is right and godly that we love our children they are a gift from God to us.
But as with all good things they can become an ultimate things, they can become idols. So how do we love our children in a distinctive gospel way?
Partly this involves what it is we most want for our children. Distinctive gospel parenting wants our children first and foremost to come to faith, to know God through Jesus and to serve him. It means our dreams for them are gospel focused not exam results, marriage, home etc... And this will be more than just a head desire, it will be a heart desire which determines our actions and behaviour throughout our children's lives.
It will mean at times being in conflict with our children. If our children go through a stage of not wanting to go to church we will not bow down to their will. But will discuss with them why it is important, why it is a family priority and at times simply take them. Though on the flip side churches must recognise that children are part of the kingdom community, value them, include them and encourage them to serve.
It means our priorities set the agenda in the home. We will model our priorities to them in the home in terms of what we long for them to be. The parent who pushes school performance, exam results, and academic achievement is saying to their child that is what will make you happy not the gospel. I think for many of us stepping off the treadmill of parenting one up man ship in terms of reading bands, Sat's scores, exam results and the like is a key gospel distinctive. What will make our children happy and what ought to make us happy is them knowing and serving Jesus, not academic performance.
Time is the way in which children measure how much we love them. They will soon learn that they are our idol if everything in our world revolves around them. We can't do this because the children... we can't do that because the children... A healthy look at our diaries is a good thing. We ought to encourage our children to engage in activities but what they want to do ought not to be all consuming.
What is family? That is one of the fundamental questions we have to ask ourselves. How do I think of family? How do I guard and protect it? We are all family with the phrase an Englishman's home is his castle, I think there has been a subtle shift in the last generation to an Englishman's family is his castle. How often do we invite others into our families? Do we really see church as our family? Or is that just an idea we know we should espouse rather than a reality to live out?
There is much more to say about this but maybe another time. How can I tell if my children are an idol, or a potential idol? For now here are some questions to answer honestly and think through?
a. What is your greatest dream for your children?
b. What do they say your greatest dream for them is?
c. How much do they dictate the pace and activities of life in your home?
d. Is your family your castle?
e. Where does church family fit into your family and your family into church?
Monday, 26 April 2010
Building Gospel capable relationships
One of the striking things from 1 Thessalonians as we have studied this letter has been the nature of the relationships which were so integral to the founding of the church. It is these relationships where life was shared and the gospel seen and modelled that enable Paul to write so confidently to the Thessalonians that they has witness how the evangelists lived. It is an incredible challenge to our culture, and way of doing church.
We need to be building relationships to be sharing our lives one with the other, but how?
We need to be building relationships to be sharing our lives one with the other, but how?
- Destroy the castle walls - our home is not our castle and it is not mean to be impregnable, the New Testament pattern is of believers in and out of each others homes.
- Committing to one church - we need to resolve to commit. Commit first and foremost to one church - do not church hop - but find a church which will be your family and go week by week. Become a member and ask its leaders to keep you accountable for coming along.
- Commit personally - build relationships, don't content yourself with a passing knowledge of the crowd but get to know some people deeply.
- Get over pride - Pride stops us really engaging in relationships, we need to get over pride. In the church we are all sinners saved by grace. If we will not let others see our struggles we cannot expect their help. We need to be real.
- Give your time - someone has said that in our society we show who and what we value by the time we give to it. Invest in relationships.
- Go, go, go - Be where people are. Make home group a priority in your week, and involve yourself in that group.
- Share experiences - do things together, go places, have fun. Shared experiences are what grow relationships and enable communication.
- Be intentionally gospel focused - Church is not just to be a place with great friendships - though it should have those it should be a place where those great friendships facilitate speaking God's word to each other, lovingly exhorting and encouraging one another to live lives worthy of God.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
How to lose people for the Kingdom
Its the end of another year and I guess we all become a bit reflective at such points. We sit back and review what has happened in the last year, how we dealt with it and how we have changed. As I've been doing so I found myself reflecting on losing people.
How do we as 'church' lose people well. As a church within our first 6 months of existing we 'lost' a number of people - two families moved overseas, one or two others returned to our mother church for various reasons. Then as we've gone on others have come and joined us, some through church transfer, others through moving into the area, still others by the grace of God by his working in their hearts through his word. It has got me thinking again about how to lose people.
Church is family, we are meant to feel pain when someone moves away. Just as parents or siblings do when a sibling or child goes to university, there is a sense of loss. So in churches as people leave we should feel it. That pain of loss is actually a good sign - it means we have loved them and they us, that they are an integral part of the church. If people can leave without pain then something is wrong somewhere.
But a churches responsibility continues until the person leaving is established in a new church. Reflecting on myself that is something I have struggled with, I'm sad to see someone go, I feel the pain of loss but remind myself God's kingdom is what matters, but too quickly the tyranny of the urgent presses in. I'm reminded by Paul's letters to churches and church members he is distant from of the need to still care to ensure they are somewhere they will grow and mature.
If we are truly losing them for the kingdom then we must not be content with feeling loss but reminding ourselves God's kingdom matters, but we must continue to care, to disciple, to see them established in new churches to whom their care can be handed over.
How do we as 'church' lose people well. As a church within our first 6 months of existing we 'lost' a number of people - two families moved overseas, one or two others returned to our mother church for various reasons. Then as we've gone on others have come and joined us, some through church transfer, others through moving into the area, still others by the grace of God by his working in their hearts through his word. It has got me thinking again about how to lose people.
Church is family, we are meant to feel pain when someone moves away. Just as parents or siblings do when a sibling or child goes to university, there is a sense of loss. So in churches as people leave we should feel it. That pain of loss is actually a good sign - it means we have loved them and they us, that they are an integral part of the church. If people can leave without pain then something is wrong somewhere.
But a churches responsibility continues until the person leaving is established in a new church. Reflecting on myself that is something I have struggled with, I'm sad to see someone go, I feel the pain of loss but remind myself God's kingdom is what matters, but too quickly the tyranny of the urgent presses in. I'm reminded by Paul's letters to churches and church members he is distant from of the need to still care to ensure they are somewhere they will grow and mature.
If we are truly losing them for the kingdom then we must not be content with feeling loss but reminding ourselves God's kingdom matters, but we must continue to care, to disciple, to see them established in new churches to whom their care can be handed over.
Friday, 11 December 2009
The challenges of Acts
We've been working through Acts 1-6 in home groups this term and last night we were on to the final two threats to the early church. The first in chapter 4 was external persecution before in chapters 5 and 6 we see internal corruption and distraction.
Though we were relatively few in number last night it was an interesting discussion. Seeing Barnabas as a model of New Testament sacrificial giving and discussing the whole issue of money reminded me of something that has come out of this series really strongly. The early church do what they do so well because they do community so well, they are in and out of each others homes regularly they function as a family. My hunch is that is on a totally different level to where most of us function as church where we have friends but wouldn't consider one another family.
But if Acts is the 'norm' for church life then we need to recapture this community. Interestingly at the same time various other things I have been reading or preaching on have reflected on nature of the gospel as a community call rather than a individual call. I am saved by faith in Christ but I am also called into the family of faith. It changes who I am because it calls me to be part of the family of Christ.
We have been advocating small groups and accountability partnerships for a while now as a means of building relationships and beating the gospel into one another's lives. Fascinatingly it seems as if money is the thing we find it hardest to be transparent and accountable with.
I was reminded of my need to continually go back to Calvary and the empty tomb to see there what my real treasure is and what is really of value. It is God's values that we his family are to reflect - people not possessions.
Though we were relatively few in number last night it was an interesting discussion. Seeing Barnabas as a model of New Testament sacrificial giving and discussing the whole issue of money reminded me of something that has come out of this series really strongly. The early church do what they do so well because they do community so well, they are in and out of each others homes regularly they function as a family. My hunch is that is on a totally different level to where most of us function as church where we have friends but wouldn't consider one another family.
But if Acts is the 'norm' for church life then we need to recapture this community. Interestingly at the same time various other things I have been reading or preaching on have reflected on nature of the gospel as a community call rather than a individual call. I am saved by faith in Christ but I am also called into the family of faith. It changes who I am because it calls me to be part of the family of Christ.
We have been advocating small groups and accountability partnerships for a while now as a means of building relationships and beating the gospel into one another's lives. Fascinatingly it seems as if money is the thing we find it hardest to be transparent and accountable with.
I was reminded of my need to continually go back to Calvary and the empty tomb to see there what my real treasure is and what is really of value. It is God's values that we his family are to reflect - people not possessions.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Do dad's matter?
We live in a world where dad's are mocked and derided and increasingly viewed as unnecessary, if you don't believe me you try to think of a positive dad figure in a kids film or TV show. There are plenty like Homer Simpson who to be honest are harder work than the children, but there are very few positive dad figures. In fact many children's shows now just feature the mum, Dad is nowhere to be seen.
In reading the Pure Church blog this morning (see side bar) this was quoted from Oprah's interview with Jay-Z. It gives us an interesting insight into what it's like for some kids who grow up without their dads. It reveals something of the emotional detachment that happens and the anger created. As in this exchange:
Oprah: That's too much chicken in a lifetime. So when you were 5, your family moved to the Marcy projects—and then your father left when you were 11. When you look back at that, what did your 11-year-old self feel?
Jay-Z: Anger. At the whole situation. Because when you're growing up, your dad is your superhero. Once you've let yourself fall that in love with someone, once you put him on such a high pedestal and he lets you down, you never want to experience that pain again. So I remember just being really quiet and really cold. Never wanting to let myself get close to someone like that again. I carried that feeling throughout my life, until my father and I met up before he died.
Oprah: Wow. I've never heard a man phrase it that way. You know, I've done many shows about divorce, and the real crime is when the kids aren't told. They just wake up one day and their dad is gone. Did that happen to you?
Jay-Z: We were told our parents would separate, but the reasons weren't explained. My mom prepared us more than he did. I don't think he was ready for that level of discussion and emotion. He was a guy who was pretty detached from his feelings.
Oprah: Did you wonder why he left?
Jay-Z: I summed it up that they weren't getting along. There was a lot of arguing.
Oprah: And did you know you were angry?Jay-Z: Yeah. I also felt protective of my mom. I remember telling her, "Don't worry, when I get big, I'm going to take care of this." I felt like I had to step up. I was 11 years old, right? But I felt I had to make the situation better.
Oprah: How did that change you?
Jay-Z: It made me not express my feelings as much. I was already a shy kid, and it made me a little reclusive. But it also made me independent. And stronger. It was a weird juxtaposition.
Dad's are a God given and necessary part of a child's life!
In reading the Pure Church blog this morning (see side bar) this was quoted from Oprah's interview with Jay-Z. It gives us an interesting insight into what it's like for some kids who grow up without their dads. It reveals something of the emotional detachment that happens and the anger created. As in this exchange:
Oprah: That's too much chicken in a lifetime. So when you were 5, your family moved to the Marcy projects—and then your father left when you were 11. When you look back at that, what did your 11-year-old self feel?
Jay-Z: Anger. At the whole situation. Because when you're growing up, your dad is your superhero. Once you've let yourself fall that in love with someone, once you put him on such a high pedestal and he lets you down, you never want to experience that pain again. So I remember just being really quiet and really cold. Never wanting to let myself get close to someone like that again. I carried that feeling throughout my life, until my father and I met up before he died.
Oprah: Wow. I've never heard a man phrase it that way. You know, I've done many shows about divorce, and the real crime is when the kids aren't told. They just wake up one day and their dad is gone. Did that happen to you?
Jay-Z: We were told our parents would separate, but the reasons weren't explained. My mom prepared us more than he did. I don't think he was ready for that level of discussion and emotion. He was a guy who was pretty detached from his feelings.
Oprah: Did you wonder why he left?
Jay-Z: I summed it up that they weren't getting along. There was a lot of arguing.
Oprah: And did you know you were angry?Jay-Z: Yeah. I also felt protective of my mom. I remember telling her, "Don't worry, when I get big, I'm going to take care of this." I felt like I had to step up. I was 11 years old, right? But I felt I had to make the situation better.
Oprah: How did that change you?
Jay-Z: It made me not express my feelings as much. I was already a shy kid, and it made me a little reclusive. But it also made me independent. And stronger. It was a weird juxtaposition.
Dad's are a God given and necessary part of a child's life!
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Contemporary idols
When we come to examine idolatry in both Old and New Testament it is easy to spot the carved images and statues but we live in a society that is rife with idols.
Family, relationships, fashion, home, career, sport, fitness, hobbies are all things which are good but which we are constantly being subtly pressured into making the ultimate thing. I think probably the one we struggle with most is family, that is partly why we find statements such as Luke 8:21 so hard: "My Mother and Brothers are those who hear God's word and put it into action."
It is not that Jesus attacks family it is that he prioritises God's word and his response to it. We live in a world that encourages us to do the opposite, to put our families first. But the challenge is to be those who have ears to hear and put God's word into practice.
Family, relationships, fashion, home, career, sport, fitness, hobbies are all things which are good but which we are constantly being subtly pressured into making the ultimate thing. I think probably the one we struggle with most is family, that is partly why we find statements such as Luke 8:21 so hard: "My Mother and Brothers are those who hear God's word and put it into action."
It is not that Jesus attacks family it is that he prioritises God's word and his response to it. We live in a world that encourages us to do the opposite, to put our families first. But the challenge is to be those who have ears to hear and put God's word into practice.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Home?
Looked at Acts 2 again on Sunday as we revisited what the church is and why its exists and it is striking how totally counter cultural the picture of the church there is to today's society, especially in Britain.
One particularly striking area is devotion to each other, or to togetherness. We do friendly very well, we do polite very well, we even sometimes verge on the loving in our churches (at least with the people we like). But all too often we fail at being devoted to one another.
Acts doesn't just leave us with a principle but a picture - they sell fields when another has a need, they are in and out of each others houses - no castles with the draw bridges drawn up in that church.
It has given us much to think about. Am I devoted to my church family? Do I refuse not to see them? Do I do all I can to be with them? Do I welcome people who just drop by? Have I encouraged people to just drop by? Will I just drop in on others? Will I go out of my way to love and care for them even when it is inconvenient to me?
That is what God's love and a devotion to the Bible should lead me to do.
One particularly striking area is devotion to each other, or to togetherness. We do friendly very well, we do polite very well, we even sometimes verge on the loving in our churches (at least with the people we like). But all too often we fail at being devoted to one another.
Acts doesn't just leave us with a principle but a picture - they sell fields when another has a need, they are in and out of each others houses - no castles with the draw bridges drawn up in that church.
It has given us much to think about. Am I devoted to my church family? Do I refuse not to see them? Do I do all I can to be with them? Do I welcome people who just drop by? Have I encouraged people to just drop by? Will I just drop in on others? Will I go out of my way to love and care for them even when it is inconvenient to me?
That is what God's love and a devotion to the Bible should lead me to do.
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